2004 Ontario Budget Frequently Unasked Questions

1) What will people on welfare be able to do with the extra three per cent they'll be getting each month?
2) Why did the government increase taxes on cigarettes and alcohol?
3) If that's the case, why didn't the government seriously pursue a tax on fast food costing less than four dollars?
4) What's the difference between a tax increase and a public service premium?
5) How will the health care premium work?
6) Why were eye examinations delisted for OHIP coverage?
7) Why were chiropractors services delisted for OHIP coverage?
8) Why was physiotherapy delisted for OHIP coverage?
9) Isn't it true that these delisted services are not performed by medical doctors, whose lobby group was the only one consulted before the decisions were made?
10) How can the government increase what individuals will be paying towards health care at the same time as its decreasing services?
11) How, oh how could the government end the Ontario Research Employer Stock Options Credit?
12) Isn't it hypocritical of the provincial Conservatives to lambaste the Liberals for having a deficit when they actually left office with one, and, if not for a little creative bookkeeping, may have had to admit to having one for their last three years in office?
13) Should we trust the government's announcement that it will balance the budget in four years?
14) Didn't Premier McGuinty promise he wouldn't raise taxes?
15) Didn't you recently make a joke about McGuinty not breaking his promise not to raise taxes?
16) Were you aware that there's about to be a federal election?
17) Was there any good news in the budget?
18) Doesn't that flip answer trivialize mental illness?
19) Who is really to blame for this budget?

1) What will people on welfare be able to do with the extra three per cent they'll be getting each month?

Plenty! They can buy another can of tuna a week, for example, or pay for another four and a half hours of their monthly rent. The Liberal government has definitely kept its promise of not being punitive with the poorest members of the province. Absolutely. No question...

2) Why did the government increase taxes on cigarettes and alcohol?

It's trying to wean citizens off bad habits that could kill them.

3) If that's the case, why didn't the government seriously pursue a tax on fast food costing less than four dollars?

Hey! Keep your money-grubbing paws off my burger and fries! Eating them is a personal decision - the government has no right to interfere with my lifestyle!

4) What's the difference between a tax increase and a public service premium?

Two hundred seventeen column inches of negative editorials.

5) How will the health care premium work?

Simple. People who make less than $20,000 a year will be exempt. People who make $25,000 a year will pay $300, except in years when there are months with two full moons, in which case they will pay $350. People who make $50,000 a year will pay $600, except those whose goat herds number 30 or more, in which case they will only pay $500, or those who drive sunflower oil powered SUVs, in which case they will pay $550. Those whose income exceeds $200,000 a year will pay $900, but, really, if they can't take advantage of a tax break to get the money back, they deserve to pay the full amount!

6) Why were eye examinations delisted for OHIP coverage?

The government figured people who needed eye examinations wouldn't be able to read the budget.

7) Why were chiropractors services delisted for OHIP coverage?

The government figured people with bad backs probably couldn't carry the full budget tome.

8) Why was physiotherapy delisted for OHIP coverage?

The government figured sports stars can afford their own physiotherapy.

9) Isn't it true that these delisted services are not performed by medical doctors, whose lobby group was the only one consulted before the decisions were made?

There you go! You spoiled the surprise! Jeez - you're the kind of person who told everybody you knew that Darth Vader was Luke's father, aren't you?

10) How can the government increase what individuals will be paying towards health care at the same time as its decreasing services?

You get what you pay for.

11) How, oh how could the government end the Ontario Research Employer Stock Options Credit?

Somebody in the government noticed that it actually gave corporations a Research Employer Stock Options Credit. Everything else just sort of followed...

12) Isn't it hypocritical of the provincial Conservatives to lambaste the Liberals for having a deficit when they actually left office with one, and, if not for a little creative bookkeeping, may have had to admit to having one for their last three years in office?

Look at it this way: a year at Queen's Park equals 10 dog years, or 70 normal human years. Do you remember what you were doing 70 years ago? Besides, politicians don't like to use the term hypocritical; they prefer "consistency challenged."

13) Should we trust the government's announcement that it will balance the budget in four years?

Are you serious? That 280 human years! Who thinks that far ahead?

14) Didn't Premier McGuinty promise he wouldn't raise taxes?

He promised to get Tinkerbell to spread magic dust on Toronto's waterfront and turn it into Disneyland, too - what of it? (And, hey, he's not looking so Howdy Doodyish any more, is he?)

15) Didn't you recently make a joke about McGuinty not breaking his promise not to raise taxes?

You caught me. I...I was younger, then, more easily taken in by a bland face, a poll-derived smile and a wooden demeanour. Yes! YES! I admit it! But, I have learned from my mistake, and I swear I'll never be taken in by Liberal campaign budget promises again!

16) Were you aware that there's about to be a federal election?

Really? What's Paul Martin's stand on raising taxes?

17) Was there any good news in the budget?

The budget for mental health services has increased, perhaps to accommodate the people who will be driven mental by the cuts everywhere else.

18) Doesn't that flip answer trivialize mental illness?

More than the Conservative government's freeze on funding for mental health services?

19) Who is really to blame for this budget?

Over the last decade, who demanded to pay less taxes with no decrease in services? As those famous philosophers, The Monkees, truly said, it's a little bit me, it's a little bit you...