1) What does a minority government mean?
You are absolutely forbidden from having sex with it. And, you cannot use the excuse that you didn't know it was a minority - it was your responsibility to determine the government's seat distribution before any sexual activity was initiated.
2) How does a minority government function?
The Liberals, who, with the most seats, will initially form the government, propose legislation. The Conservatives oppose it because it was proposed by the Liberals. The New Democrats privately will support it if the Conservatives oppose it, but publicly they say they will only support it if the Liberals will support other legislation that they propose. Conservatives will complain to sympathetic right wing newspapers that the legislation is proof that there is a Liberal-NDP conspiracy to screw the west. The Bloc will complain to sympathetic francophone newspapers that the legislation does nothing for Quebec, and that sovereignty is the only solution. The lone independent in the legislature will wonder why nobody pays any attention to him.
3) So, pretty much the same as a majority government?
With even more bitching, if such a thing is possible.
4) How long can this go on for?
This process will be repeated until the NDP, pissed off that the Liberals are being given credit for all of the progressive legislation the socialists push them into enacting, stop supporting them, forcing a non-confidence vote that will result in a new election. This could happen a week from now.
5) Why did the Liberals get so few seats?
Canadians wanted to punish Paul Martin for reducing Canada's deficit and balancing federal budgets.
Seriously. Canadians were angry that Martin's deficit reduction meant cuts to social programmes, especially health care. So, many of them voted for the Conservatives, a party that wants to cut social programmes even further.
7) How do you explain the vote in Quebec?
Gilles Duceppe is a chip off the old Bloc.
8) Bad puns aside, how do you explain the vote in Quebec?
Quebecers wanted John F. Kennedy, they got Che Guevara.
Elections Canada is run by Alice Liddel.
10) Why did all of Toronto's ridings go Liberal?
They were afraid of the Conservative political agenda.
11) John Ibbitson of the Globe and Mail said it was because Torontonians were capricious.
Stripping a righteous man of his home, his family, his wealth, his friends and everything he believed in just to make a point to unbelievers - now, that's capricious! This election was just...Canadian. As for Ibbitson, well, some people have great respect for the democratic process...as long as the results of elections agree with their own prejudices. They shouldn't take their own polls so seriously.
They'll wait a week before they start doing spit takes when cabinet members speak in the House.
13) What can one say about the Green Party getting two per cent of the vote?
That's how much of Canada's forests will remain if the Conservative Party ever forms a government.
I'm sneaky that way.
15) What does Belinda Stronach's election mean?
Stephen Harper better watch his back.
16) No, really, what does Belinda Stronach's election mean?
She'll have to develop some policies now.
17) What will Olivia Chow do now that she has lost her bid for a Toronto seat?
I hear there an election will soon be held in Baghdad...
18) What will Tony Clement do not that he has lost his bid for a Toronto seat?
Keep Olivia Chow company.
19) How did David McGuinty, brother of Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty, win Ottawa South?
His victory was obviously a protest against the Premier's broken pledge not to raise ta - no, that wouldn't - hmm, it's a puzzler, isn't it? Maybe he campaigned wearing a Superman costume. You know: nobody can tell who you really are when you're wearing those glasses.
20) What does Ken Dryden's election mean?
Six more months of bad hockey puns. And, you were miffed because Wireton Willie was scared of his shadow! On the plus side, he'll help us forget the lacklustre performance of...umm...the guy who came before him.
21) So, who really won the election?
Political pundits of all party affiliations, because the results will give them something to yak about for months to come...