Corporate Kleptocracy Frequently Unasked Questions

1) What did Conrad Black do?
2) Could you qualify that description any more?
3) It's hard to believe some of these allegations. I mean, how could Black's wife Barbara Amiel spend $2,463 on handbags?
4) The couple spent $24,950 to go to Bora Bora for "summer drinks?!"
5) Did Black use company funds to...ah, fund these types of things?
6) Why did I bother asking?
7) Is Black really ACCUSED of ALLEGEDLY stealing $400 million from the company?
8) How was Black able to control 70% of the voting shares of Hollinger when he owned less than 20% of the shares?
9) Where was the Ontario Securities Commission while all of this was going on?
10) Would it be fair to say that the Hollinger board of directors were sheep?
11) The board was made up of hand-picked friends of Conrad Black. How could they have turned on him like this?
12) But, we're talking about people like Henry Kissinger and Richard Perle!
13) According to one report, Perle says he rarely read or understood the documents Black sent him to sign. What should we make of this?
14) How was Perle compensated for this work?
15) About US$5.37 an hour and all of the cherry cola he could guzzle at board meetings?
16) Why was Black being sued under the American RICO statute?
17) Why were the RICO charges dismissed?
18) How will his current travails affect Black's stature in the British House of Lords?
19) Don't you agree that Conrad Black was a brilliant entrepreneur?
20) But, he didn't do that with the National Post.
21) But you can't deny Conrad Black's intelligence - the man knows more words than everybody in the province of PEI put together.
22) That's a pretty harsh assessment. Aren't you afraid Black is going to sue you?
23) But, he's renowned for suing to protect his reputation. He seems to take pleasure in mauling people in court just for the sport of it - he's a frothing pit bull of libel actions. Aren't you the least bit frightened?
24) Oh, shit.

1) What did Conrad Black do?

Black is ACCUSED of ALLEGEDLY taking THEORETICAL money from his companies, particularly Hollinger, Inc. to PERHAPS fund his POTENTIALLY personal interests.

2) Could you qualify that description any more?

MAYBE.

3) It's hard to believe some of these allegations. I mean, how could Black's wife Barbara Amiel spend $2,463 on handbags?

She had Imelda envy. Fortunately, there is a cure. Unfortunately, it involves a jail sentence. But, that's nothing compared to the $60,000 birthday party Black held for her, or the $24,950 trip the couple took to Bora Bora for "summer drinks."

4) The couple spent $24,950 to go to Bora Bora for "summer drinks?!"

Is there an echo in here?

5) Did Black use company funds to...ah, fund these types of things?

It is POSSIBLE that a HYPOTHETICAL investigation MIGHT CONCEIVABLY find that to be the case.

6) Why did I bother asking?

Impossible to say. But, I hear they have reality shows for that.

7) Is Black really ACCUSED of ALLEGEDLY stealing $400 million from the company?

Catching, isn't it?

8) How was Black able to control 70% of the voting shares of Hollinger when he owned less than 20% of the shares?

He is selectively math deficient.

9) Where was the Ontario Securities Commission while all of this was going on?

Serving the Blacks drinks in Bora Bora.

10) Would it be fair to say that the Hollinger board of directors were sheep?

No. Sheep provide us with wool and mutton.

11) The board was made up of hand-picked friends of Conrad Black. How could they have turned on him like this?

You just can't trust anybody these days.

12) But, we're talking about people like Henry Kissinger and Richard Perle!

You're right. Black should have distrusted them from the very beginning.

13) According to one report, Perle says he rarely read or understood the documents Black sent him to sign. What should we make of this?

It explains why the war in Iraq is going so well.

14) How was Perle compensated for this work?

He was paid a base salary of $300,000 a year and collected a $3.1 million bonus for making investments in dot com companies, some good, some only your mother's investment broker could love. Can you imagine how much he would have made if he had actually had the best interests of the company at heart?

15) About US$5.37 an hour and all of the cherry cola he could guzzle at board meetings?

Uhh, actually, yeah.

16) Why was Black being sued under the American RICO statute?

He must have pissed off a lot of Italian Americans.

17) Why were the RICO charges dismissed?

Hey! - if the Fed couldn't make racketeering charges stick against Al Capone...

18) How will his current travails affect Black's stature in the British House of Lords?

The British prefer their leaders to be barking mad, so his position would have been strengthened if he had claimed to actually be Louis XIVth instead of just dressing up as the dead French monarch. Still, members of the House are no stranger to financial scandal, so it shouldn't hurt his standing.

19) Don't you agree that Conrad Black was a brilliant entrepreneur?

Oh, please! You don't have to be brilliant to buy companies, gut their staffs and reap profits, you just have to have a thuggish lack of compassion for those whose lives you are destroying in the name of economic self-reward.

20) But, he didn't do that with the National Post.

No, and look how much money that vanity project lost him, and now loses for its new owners. For somebody trying to prove that Black is a great entrepreneur, you aren't very effective. Have you considered writing speeches for the NDP?

21) But you can't deny Conrad Black's intelligence - the man knows more words than everybody in the province of PEI put together.

Obscurant irrelevancy.

22) That's a pretty harsh assessment. Aren't you afraid Black is going to sue you?

And give me all the attendant free publicity? I should be so lucky! Besides, even if he beat me in court, what exactly would he win? Twenty bucks and a pathetic political button collection? Seems like a lot of effort to go to for so little reward.

23) But, he's renowned for suing to protect his reputation. He seems to take pleasure in mauling people in court just for the sport of it - he's a frothing pit bull of libel actions. Aren't you the least bit frightened?

After what you just asked, shouldn't you be?

24) Oh, shit.

No kidding.