SOUND: loud honking. Alex turns away, then turns back to the camera.ALEX This city is really turning to shit...
The light turns and the other people start walking across the intersection. Alex looks at the remains with disgust and turns back to the camera, shaking his head.ALEX (CONTINUING) Fire -- the poor company's means of relocating.
Alex looks at the building one last time, then puts a foot out towards the intersection. But the light has changed. As he drives by, a motorist honks and swears at Alex in French. Alex shrugs. A FEW CREDITS INT. RESTAURANT -- DAY It's an upscale cafe, with tables spilling out onto the sidewalk. There are only a few customers. MABEL (27, majestically tall, black, serious, quick-tempered), stands behind a counter, watching a PIG (mid-40s, round, unkempt and unfashionable) tuck into a steak. The pig looks towards her and winks slyly. Mabel shudders.ALEX (CONTINUING) With its ethnic strife and burnt out buildings, this place is like Beirut without the excitement of intermittent gunfire.
MILDRED (50ish, small, feisty) puts an arm on Mabel's shoulder.MABEL Enjoy yourself, Romeo. Your great grandmother was probably screwed by natives!
(voice over)
Mabel walks out from behind the counter and passes by the table where the Pig sits, deftly avoiding the hand he reaches out to grab her behind.MILDRED Tables three and seven need to be cleared, dear.
(gently)MABEL Okay.
A FEW MORE CREDITS EXT. STREET -- DAY ROBIN (6, a bit chubby, cream coloured skin, strong imagination) walks down a city street. A FEW MORE CREDITS EXT. STREET -- DAY Alex walks past a store with a "For Rent/A Louer" sign in the window. The building behind the glass is empty and dark. Alex shakes his head and turns to the camera, talking as he walks.MABEL Yeah, and she probably enjoyed it more than sex with your great grandfather, too!
(voice over)
A FEW MORE CREDITS INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN -- DAY Mabel is washing dishes in a big, cast iron sink. Mildred brings a tray with a couple of glasses and dirty plates to the side of the sink.ALEX The dollar store in my neighbourhood shut down. The dollar store, for chrissakes! Now where are all the homeless supposed to get their two for a dollar Coffee Crisps?
Mildred chuckles to herself as she walks away. Mabel frowns.MILDRED So, if this sink is really as old as you say, can I sell it and retire?
(good-natured)
A FEW MORE CREDITS EXT. STREET -- DAY Alex is walking down a downtown street -- the buildings are taller and better maintained. From the opposite direction, YUPPIE (mid-30s, business suit, expensive jacket) walks towards Alex. Yuppie is talking on a cell phone, loud and angry. He gesticulates wildly with his arms.MABEL You try and help some people!
(voice over)
Alex watches as the Yuppie walks past. Then, Alex turns to the camera.YUPPIE ...my ass for the -- for the -- for what? For fucking what? You tell those -- no, no -- what? I don't give a fuck about -- yeah, no shit!
(sputtering ad lib)
A FEW MORE CREDITS INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN -- DAY Mabel stands near ANDRE (50ish, big and heavy, a Quebecois lout), who is throwing ingredients for soup into a big pot.ALEX This city is really turning to shit!
FINAL OPENING CREDITS EXT. STREET -- DAY Robin approaches an intersection. Across the street is a school. GUARD (fiftyish, way overweight, pleasant) watches Robin approach. Guard is grinning. Robin grows apprehensive as he gets closer.MABEL Twelve generations? Really?ANDRE Mabel, je t'ens pris! I am cooking!MABEL But, Andre --ANDRE You are interfering with my art.MABEL Don't you find it fascinating?ANDRE Trapping? Sacre merde! The most boring profession in the world!MABEL How can you say that? This country was built on trapping beavers for their fur!ANDRE That's why this is the most boring country in the world!
Robin starts sullenly crossing the street. Guard holds up his sign and walks Robin across. Just as they get to the other side, Guard gives Robin a warm, friendly smile.GUARD Morning, Robin.
Uncomfortable, Robin runs towards the front door of the school. EXT. STREET -- DAY Alex walks down the street towards the front of a cafe, talking to the camera.GUARD (CONTINUING) What colour are your breasts today, Robin? Are they red? Hunh? Are they red?
Alex trails off as he stops walking in front of a cafe window, which diverts his attention.ALEX ...the squeegee kid to give back my glasses. I mean, there really is such a thing as being too helpful!
(pause) Look, if you're going to come in in the middle of a story, you have to expect to miss one or two subtletie...
Alex trails off. INT. RESTAURANT -- DAY Mabel is taking an order from a family of four. Her patience seems to be wearing thin. Alex watches her from outside, a complicated mix of pleasure and pain on his face. Several seconds pass, but she does not notice him there. FADE TO BLACK: TITLE CARD: HEALTHY. INT. OFFICE RECEPTION -- DAY An elevator opens onto the lobby of the office. There is a long desk behind which are a pair of computers (one on either side) and two elaborate telephones. On the wall is a logo, a stylized globe surrounded by the words International Teltech. INGRID (tall, blond, 30ish), probably a nice person, is fuming behind the desk. The elevator opens and Alex walks in, breathless.ALEX (CONTINUING) I mean, why should I bother to share my innermost thoughts if you can't even be bother...
Ingrid looks meaningfully at a clock on the wall, which reads 4:23. Alex looks at it.INGRID You're late.ALEX No, I'm not.INGRID No?
Alex takes off his jacket.ALEX Oh. Well. Traffic was a bitch.
Alex stands in front of her in a security guard's uniform. Then, he turns to the camera, grinning.INGRID Alex, I'm not going to cover for you any more.
INT. OFFICE RECEPTION -- DAY (LATER) Alex sits behind the desk, whistling idly to himself. He notices the camera, and talks to it.ALEX Chicks love a man in uniform.
INT. OFFICE -- NIGHT It is a large room, split into smaller cubicles by grey dividers. The walls on two sides are made of glass, giving onto a view of the city below which is full of light. Otherwise, the office is dark. Alex sits at a computer in a cubicle full of tchochkas. He types for a couple of seconds, then turns to the camera.ALEX Don't look at me like that. Somebody's gotta protect multinational corporations from the poor...the desperate...the untrustworthy...(pause) People like me! This --ROBINSON Good night, Alexander.
(off)ALEX Night, Misses Robinson.
(to office)
(to camera) This company is better than most. Far as I can tell, only a quarter of their work force is in Indonesian sweat shops. Oh, don't look so shocked. How do you think you get your copy of DoomQuake Four: Revenge of the Earthworms so cheap?(pause) CROWLEY Alex. See ya.
(off)ALEX Good night, Mister Crowley.
(to office)
(to camera) This isn't as bad a job as you might think. I have to do a round of the offices every hour -- but that only takes about ten minutes. The rest of the time, I spend in pursuit of intellectual ideals...
INT. OFFICE (ANOTHER CUBICLE) -- NIGHT Alex is sitting behind a desk. One of the drawers is wide open. Alex is reading the top sheet from a pile of half a dozen on the table. After a moment, he turns to the camera.ALEX I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you! Scandalized! The kind of filth respectable people download to their hard drives! Hmm...I wonder what would happen if these files were accidentally forwarded to the President of the company...
Alex holds up the paper.ALEX Tsk...tsk....tsk. Working on a CV. Somebody is getting ready to jump ship. If this --
INT. COPY ROOM -- NIGHT There is a copy machine and a small desk over which looms shelves with stacks of different coloured paper. Alex, standing in the middle of the room, daintily places a sheet of paper on the machine, steps back and considers the effect for a moment. Frowning, he picks up the sheet of paper. INT. COPY ROOM -- NIGHT (LATER) Alex places the sheet of paper on the floor under the table. He thinks for a moment. He walks out of the room, shutting the door. A moment later, he walks in, laughing soundlessly (as if to another employee just outside the door). He looks down. "Oh, what is this?" he thinks. Alex stops laughing and shakes his head. INT. COPY ROOM -- NIGHT (STILL LATER) The paper is in the photocopier, a sliver sticking out. Alex steps back for a moment and considers the effect. He steps forward and gently pulls on the sheet of paper; a full corner is now showing. Alex steps back and frames the scene with his fingers, like we've all seen wannabe film directors do. Smiling, Alex turns to the camera and winks. INT. OFFICE (FINAL CUBICLE) -- NIGHT Alex is playing a computer game on somebody's desktop PC. A cigarette smolders off the edge of the desk.ALEX (CONTINUING) Ever got into the wrong hands, it could be terribly embarrassing...
Without taking his eyes off the screen, Alex gropes for the cigarette, puts it to his mouth and takes a quick drag. Then, he drops the half-finished cigarette in a mug with a Dilbert cartoon on it.ALEX Pentium Plus, 400 megaherz and a T3 line -- I've died and gone to heaven!
(over his shoulder)
Alex plays intensely for a few seconds, then gets a curious look on his face. He picks up the phone and awkwardly dials, averting his attention from the screen only long enough to punch the numbers. SOUND: phone rings.ALEX (CONTINUING) A word of advice -- don't smoke around computers. The circuitry gets incredibly hot -- come on...come on! COME ON! -- so there's a fan in the back. Sucks up -- you fucking cocksucker! -- the fan sucks air in. Smoke'll take years off -- no! No! NO! FUCK! -- General rule, okay? Don't put anything in your computer that you aren't prepared to put in yourself.
(pause) Well...you know what I mean...
Alex looks at the camera.TELEPHONE VOICE The time is 10:32 and 40 seconds.
In a blur, Alex cradles the phone, hits a button on the computer and jumps out of the chair. On the screen, the game has been replaced by a spreadsheet. INT. CORNER -- NIGHT Alex races around the corner. He takes a card on a string from around his neck and places the end in a black box on the wall. INT. EXECUTIVE OFFICE -- NIGHT It is dark. SOUND: something scratching against the door.ALEX Oh, shit!TELEPHONE VOICE The time is 10:32 and 45 seconds.
The door bursts open. Alex puts the card in a box on the wall next to the door. INT. BATHROOM -- NIGHT It is wood-panelled and clean -- clearly, an executive washroom. Alex runs in and straight to the far wall, where he inserts his card into a black box. SOUND: CLUNK of card being punched by the machine. Alex removes the card from the box, turns and takes a couple of steps. He half-turns and looks longingly at a stall. With a grunt, he runs out. INT. RECEPTION AREA -- NIGHT Puffing heavily, Alex walks behind the desk and collapses into a chair. After a moment, he turns to the camera, suddenly breathing normally.ALEX Come on! You wanna give me a fucking heart atta --
(shouting, off)
Alex turns away from the camera and starts breathing heavily once again. INT. MABEL'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT Mabel and JACK (early 30s, tall, black, handsome, confident) are sitting on her couch, listening to a CD playing softly in the background. Jack, in nice clothes, looks out of place in the small, drab apartment.ALEX Don't you feel safe?
Jack puts his arm around her shoulders. With his free hand, he turns her face towards him and kisses her on the lips.JACK You are.MABEL I'm not.JACK Yes, you are.MABEL Stop it! I am not.JACK I'm telling you --MABEL You're wrong.JACK You are so stubborn.MABEL I don't think so.
Jack looks at her, then showers her face with kisses.MABEL (CONTINUING) Hmm...I better get that toilet looked after before it backs up all over the bathroom floor.
(voice over)
Jack pulls away.MABEL (CONTINUING) Is Robin getting enough iron? He's gonna bitch, but I'm going to make home more spinach. It's good for him, dammit, so let him bi --
Mabel mechanically takes his hand and places it on her breast. Jack starts kissing her again.JACK Are you okay?MABEL Sure. Why?
(to Jack)JACK You seem a little -- like you're not all here.MABEL I'm here, baby. Just like always.
Jack backs away from Mabel, a bit angry.MABEL (CONTINUING) Are the Expos ever going to contend again? The manager is toast, but he's not the --
(voice over)
JACK You're still mad at me, aren't you?MABEL Angry? I'm not angry.
(to Jack)
(voice over) You dumb fucker.JACK I said I was sorry. What more do you want?
Mabel shakes her head.MABEL Blood.
(voice over)
(to Jack) Nothing. Respect.JACK But, honey, you know I --
Mabel pulls away from him.MABEL I don't dance any more. You knew that. But you still asked me to dance at Paul's stag.JACK I'm proud of you, and I wanted to --
Long, awkward pause.MABEL Wrong thing to say, Jack. I hated dancing -- the only reason I did it was to support Robin. If we had been going out a week or two, well, okay, maybe you didn't know how much I hated it. But we've been going out for six months -- you knew. You had to know.JACK It was wrong. I'm sorry.MABEL What must you think of me?
But Mabel smiles, melting.JACK I love you.MABEL You think saying that makes everything alright?
(voice over)
Mabel embraces Jack, and they start kissing passionately. INT. LIVINGROOM -- DAY An abstract painting, predominantly combining orange and brown in a pretty hideous way, hangs on the wall of the large, airy apartment. Alex is watching television. EMILY (24, Asian, short but lean, Goth: black nail polish and dark eye shadow, black clothes) in the kitchen area. Emily is cutting vegetables in a kitchen area which can be seen from the livingroom She is so laid back, she's practically catatonic. After a moment, she walks in and stands in front of the painting.MABEL (CONTINUING) Oh, honey...
(to Jack)
Alex turns his attention towards her.EMILY Alex?ALEX Hunh?EMILY Notice anything different?
Emily shakes her head.ALEX Uhh, yeah. Sure. I love what you've done with your...hair? I noticed it first thing --
Emily rushes to the couch and happily hugs him.ALEX (CONTINUING) I, uhh, meant your...shirt. Have you clean --EMILY The painting, silly.ALEX Oh. Right.
(to camera) Oh, puke.EMILY You don't like it.
(disappointed)ALEX Did I say that out loud?
(shocked)EMILY I can see it in your face.ALEX No, no. I think it's...provocative.
(to Emily)
Emily hugs him tightly. Over her shoulder, he looks at the camera, dismayed. Emily drops her head for a moment, then moves away from him.EMILY You really think so?ALEX At the very least.EMILY The Gallery has agreed to show my work.ALEX What?EMILY A week Friday. The Gallery is giving me a show. Isn't that great?
Pause.EMILY (CONTINUING) Hon?ALEX Yes?EMILY What are you doing home at this hour?ALEX Anybody want to trade places?
(to camera)EMILY You got fired again, didn't you?
(evenly)ALEX She's really pissed off.
(to Emily) Uhh, yeah...EMILY What happened?ALEX My watch zenned out on me?
Emily looks at him penetratingly.EMILY What?ALEX My watch -- it, uhh, went zen on me. It's, uhh, trying to help me transcend the concept of time...
Emily goes back to the kitchen and continues to cut vegetables. To all outward appearances, she is perfectly calm. Alex turns towards the camera.EMILY Alex, what are you talking about?ALEX The, uhh, battery died.EMILY Oh.
Emily shrugs ever so gently. Alex winces.ALEX I wish I knew how to deal with other people's anger better.EMILY What are you going to do now?ALEX Oh, you know. I thought this would be a good time to...assess my options...
Emily looks at him blankly for a couple of seconds.EMILY I'm going to the Eaton Centre.ALEX The mall? Why?EMILY I don't know. You know. To hang.ALEX To hang?EMILY Yeah. I have friends there. We like to hang.ALEX Well, if you don't hang together, you will surely hang separately.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET -- DAY Mabel, in sweats, is jogging through a posh neighbourhood (say, Westmount). She is puffing moderately and sweating.EMILY You want anything?
Mabel passes an obese jogger who is breathing heavily even though he is now just walking.MABEL Rich bastards. Rich bastards. Rich Bastards! What am I going to make for dinner? Robin is getting sick of chicken -- hey, me, too.
(voice over)
(singing) Whether you're at work or play, potato fringles will make your day.
(spoken) How did that get in there? Fucking commercials! What am I going to do about Jack?
(shudders pleasantly; aloud) Mmm...anything he wants.
Mabel starts running.MABEL (CONTINUING) Shit, I'm getting fat. Rich bastards! And their two-faced bastard politician friends!
(voice over)
Mabel goes back to jogging.MABEL (CONTINUING) Maybe it's the haircut. I need a haircut that will only attract men who respect me. Shit! That's asking a lot from a bunch of -- whoa! Slow down. Remember what happened to Flo Jo...
EXT. STREET -- DAY Robin and Guard wait for a break in the traffic at the intersection across from the school.MABEL (CONTINUING) Thank god Robin outgrew Teletubbies -- these kids aren't going to need psychedelic drugs when they grow up! Maybe if I rehem the green dress... Rich bastards. Rich bastards. RICH --
Furious, Robin runs across the street. A car brakes so as not to hit him. The driver honks his horn. On the other side of the street, Robin turns back to the Guard.GUARD Hey, Robin. What colour are your breasts today?
(friendly)ROBIN Stop it, okay?GUARD I'm sorry?ROBIN I don't like it. Stop it.GUARD But I'm merely expressing concern for your health.ROBIN You are?GUARD Sure.
(brief pause) Robins aren't healthy if they don't have red breasts!
Robin runs off. The Guard chuckles in a jolly way to himself. INT. RESTAURANT -- DAY It is packed. Mabel takes a tray with three hamburgers and three sandwiches, two coffees and four soft drinks to a table with a family of six. She places the tray on the table.ROBIN Drop dead, okay? Just drop dead!
(shouting)
The four children grab their food and drinks off the tray. MOTHER looks apologetic.MABEL Okay, who had the --
Mabel hands him the sandwich and the coffee, then hands the Mother the remaining sandwich and coffee.FATHER Is there a roast beef sandwich left?MABEL Yes, sir.
Mabel returns to the counter, where Mildred is punching numbers into the cash register.MABEL (CONTINUING) Enjoy your meal.
At a table in a distant corner of the restaurant, a DRUNK (mid-40s, handsome but in the early stages of dissolution) and a BIMBO (mid-20s, bottle blond, big...nails) sit eating breakfast. They are in formal evening clothes, now wrinkled and somewhat loose, as if they have come to the restaurant directly from an all night party. Mabel looks at them in dismay.MABEL (CONTINUING) Mildred, do you --DRUNK Oh, serving girl!
(shouting, off)
Mildred puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.MABEL Oh, no...MILDRED You know the rules, Mabel. Your section, your customers.
Mabel puts a stern expression on her face.MILDRED (CONTINUING) Time for Iron Mabel.
Mabel walks over to the Drunk's table.MABEL Oh, sweet Jesus, why me?
(voice over)
Drunk lifts a pancake on a plate in front of him.DRUNK Serving gi --
(sees her, quieter) Ah. There you are.MABEL May I help you?
The Bimbo titters to herself. Mabel levelly stares at the Drunk.DRUNK It's these pancakes...MABEL Pancakes?DRUNK They're flat.
Mabel turns on her heel and walks smartly away from the table. Some of the diners at nearby tables chuckle to themselves.MABEL Give me strength!
(voice over)DRUNK Pancakes are supposed to be fluffy, not...flat!MABEL But they are supposed to be that way, sir.DRUNK No! Really?MABEL They're crepes.DRUNK Crepes?
(laughs) Crepes?MABEL Why are you laughing?DRUNK You think I don't know flat pancakes when I see them?
(snorts) Crepes!MABEL In your condition, I don't think you'd know recognize an elephant if it sat on you!
EXT. BUS STOP -- DAY Three men are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. On the left is PAUL (tall and very thin). On the right is ERIC (big bear) In the middle is Alex, holding a newspaper in front of his face. SLOW ZOOM IN on the newspaper.MABEL (CONTINUING) Stupid! Why did I have to lose control like that?
(voice over)DRUNK Sh...sh...she's not getting a tip -- bitch!
(sputtering)
A headline prominent on the newspaper reads: Sunshine cures cancer. Alex lowers the paper enough to reveal his eyes. He looks to the left, then to the right, sizing the men around him up.ALEX Maybe you can explain this to me. The front page says that the economy is growing and growing with no end in sight. But back here where the evil dwells -- between the story about the welfare parents who sold their three year-old for drug money and the class action suit being brought against a drug manufacturer for rushing a kind of valium for pregnant women which caused their children to be born with birth defects -- back here is a short article about rising unemployment. Economic prosperity -- rising unemployment. By this logic, the perfectly functioning economy would be the one where everybody is fabulously wealthy even though nobody works!
(off)
Alex furrows his brow, then slowly raises the newspaper until his eyes can no longer be seen. EXT. STREET -- DAY SECOND GUARD (mid-20s, tall, bad complexion) in a yellow jacket way too big for her, stands at the corner opposite the school. Traffic is heavy. Robin walks up to the corner.ALEX Sometimes, trying to make sense of the world feels like trying to keep my balance on a skateboard in a hurricane. Are other people so...confused?
(off)
The intersection clears.ROBIN Who are you?SECOND GUARD The new crossing guard.ROBIN Where's Mister Polumbo?SECOND GUARD Dead.ROBIN Dead?SECOND GUARD Dead. One moment, he was scarfing down dinner, the next moment, dead. Heart attack. Killed him instantly.
Second Guard walks into the middle of the street, holding up her stop sign. Robin crosses the street, his eyes widening with awe.SECOND GUARD (CONTINUING) Come on. Show time.
INT. SUBWAY -- DAY Mabel and Robin, a backpack around his shoulders, walk towards the escalators.OLDER ROBIN That was the moment I learned the magic power of words...
(voice over)
As they reach the escalator, a PUNK (early 20s, earrings, tattoo) walks up to them, hands out.MABEL Did you have a good day in school, honey?ROBIN Great! I really learned a lot.MABEL Oh. Good, then.
(confused by his enthusiasm)
Mabel hustles Robin to the escalator.PUNK Un peut de change, s'il vous plait?MABEL No.
(short)
Mabel angrily turns towards him. Robin heads down the escalator.PUNK Okay. Okay. No need to be snippy.
(French accent)MABEL Snippy?
Punk looks down at his sneakers.MABEL (CONTINUING) How long have you been doing this?PUNK Quoi?MABEL Begging. You been doing it long?PUNK Uhh...a month or two...MABEL You think I'll ever give you a cent if you act like an asshole?
INT. SUBWAY (BOTTOM OF THE ESCALATOR) -- DAY Robin gets to the bottom of the escalator, turns and climbs it one step at a time to stay in place. Alex appears next to him and smiles warmly.PUNK I don't know...
(shy)
INT. SUBWAY -- DAY Mabel continues to berate the subdued Punk.ALEX Hello.ROBIN 'Lo.ALEX I'm Alex. What's your name?ROBIN Robin.
(shy)ALEX That's a good name. My grandfather was named Robin.ROBIN Yeah?ALEX Yeah.ROBIN Cool....
Mabel holds up a finger. Punk controls his anger with effort.MABEL So, when somebody doesn't give you money -- and most people won't -- what do you say?PUNK Merci bien. Have a nice day.MABEL If they're rude to you?
(nodding)PUNK Merci bien. Have a nice day.MABEL Get a job, you bum.PUNK Hey! I don't have to --
INT. SUBWAY (BOTTOM OF THE ESCALATOR) -- DAY Robin is sitting on the hand rail of the escalator, legs dangling off the side. Alex is animatedly talking to him.PUNK (CONTINUING) Merci bien. Have...a...nice...day.MABEL Remember: it's not just about you. You represent every poor person who has to beg for change. (frowns)
Robin? (looks around, worried)
Robin!
Robin turns guiltily to see her, losing his balance and falling off the rail. Alex catches him, then looks up at Mabel, who rushes down the escalator and angrily takes Robin away from him.ALEX Bumper cars are the best, man.ROBIN I like the roller coaster.ALEX Roller coaster's okay. But for the sheer destructive joy of the thing, nothing beats the bumper cars.ROBIN Uhh, my mom doesn't let me on the bumper cars. She says they're bummer cars.ALEX That what she says? You know, I always thought your mother --MABEL Robin, how many times have I told you not to talk to strangers?
(off, stern)
Mabel takes Robin by the hand.ALEX Surely, not a stranger.MABEL You're right. Robin, what have I told you about talking to bad people?
Mabel starts to walk away from Alex with Robin in tow.ALEX Should I tell him?
(to camera)ROBIN Bad people?
Robin breaks free from Mabel's hand and turns towards Alex. Mabel unhappily stops and turns towards him, too.ALEX Of course I shouldn't. But sometimes you just can't help yourself.
(to camera)
(to Robin and Mabel) I'm not a bad guy, Robin. I'm your dad.
Alex grins goofily.ROBIN Dad?MABEL A coincidence of genetics. Nothing more.
(to Alex)ROBIN You're my dad?
Mabel takes Robin by the hand and forcefully leads him away.MABEL For all the good you did us, you might as well have been a stranger, Alex.OLDER ROBIN My dad!
(voice over)
FADE TO BLACK: TITLE CARD Wealthy. INT. ROBIN'S BEDROOM -- DAY It is small, with just enough space for a bed and a dresser. On the door is a poster of Michael Jordan. On the dresser are a couple of Star Wars models. Robin sits on the bed. Mabel, nervous, stands in the doorway.ALEX Is he beautiful, or what?
(to camera)
INT. RESTAURANT -- DAY Alex sits at a small table, drinking coffee and watching the street life out the front window. Mabel watches him from behind the counter. Mildred watches Mabel from the side of the counter. Not being able to take it for very long, Mildred goes up to Mabel.MABEL Now, Robin, I can understand if you are... confused about this...OLDER ROBIN Actually, I was quite clear.
(voice over)ROBIN He's my dad!MABEL Yes. But, well, don't get too excited, Robin. Your dad, he...he's not a nice man.OLDER ROBIN Actually, he was a bastard who abandoned my mother before I was born. But that didn't matter to me then, because --
(voice over)ROBIN He's my dad.MABEL I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.
(sighs)ROBIN Why doesn't he live with us?MABEL Robin...
(beat pause) You'll understand when you're older.OLDER ROBIN I wish.
(voice over)ROBIN Why doesn't he live with us?MABEL Alex...is not a very responsible person.ROBIN Will he come and live with us now that he's found us?MABEL He could have found us at any time --ROBIN Will he come live with us?MABEL No.ROBIN But he's my dad.OLDER ROBIN A kid with an idea is worse than a Doberman with a bone.
(voice over)MABEL We'll talk about this later.ROBIN Why won't he --MABEL Don't you have homework to do?OLDER ROBIN I was so excited, it didn't occur to me until days later that my father was white...
(voice over)
Mildred shrugs. Pause.MILDRED Okay. Who is he?MABEL Robin's biological father.MILDRED The bastard?MABEL Exactly.MILDRED He's too cute to be the bastard.MABEL The cute ones are the worst bastards.
Mildred shoos her away. With great reluctance, Mabel walks up to Alex.MILDRED So? What are you waiting for?MABEL Hunh?MILDRED Go. Gie! Use your feet and walk up to the table.MABEL He's not in my section.MILDRED I love your dedication -- I'd make you employee of the month if we had an employee of the month. I'm not telling you to serve him. I'm telling you to talk to him.MABEL Nothing to say.MILDRED Maybe it's just my upbringing, but in my family there was always something to say. Go on. Go.
Alex shrugs pleasantly.MABEL Alexander.ALEX Only one person ever called me that. Even my mother, god rest her soul, used to call me A. Something to do with my being the first-born --MABEL What are you doing here?ALEX You look...fantastic.MABEL What do you want?
Alex surveys the nearly empty establishment sardonically.MABEL (CONTINUING) Look, I've got work to do...
Mabel, fuming, turns and stalks away.MABEL (CONTINUING) Don't say a word about my work ethic, okay? Not a word.ALEX How's Robin?
(smiling)MABEL Fine.ALEX That's it? Fine?MABEL You think you're entitled to more?ALEX This is awkward, isn't it?
(to camera)
(to Mabel) Yes, actually. I think I would like to see him.MABEL Why?
(hostile)ALEX See how he's doing. You know, bond and shit.MABEL If you want to see my son, you'll have to pry him from my dead, cold fingers.
(voice over)
(to Alex) I don't think that's such a good idea.ALEX Why not?MABEL He's grown this far without you. If you enter his life now, you'll just confuse him.ALEX Confusion! Something we can share!
(to camera)
(to Mabel) Doesn't he wonder about me?MABEL We don't talk about it.ALEX I would wonder if I were him.MABEL You don't miss what you never had.ALEX You still love me, don't you?MABEL What?ALEX Six years is a long time -- you wouldn't be so angry if you didn't still love me.MABEL Alex, you have no idea how angry I am at you. And I guarantee that love has nothing to do with it!
INT. ALEX' APARTMENT -- DAY Alex and Emily are zombified in front of the television. SOUND: laugh track, which punctuates their conversation at relevant moments (as if it were designed for them). Neither of them is interested enough to laugh.ALEX That went pretty well, all things considered.
(to camera)
(beat pause) Ah, well. Time for Plan B...
Emily puts an affectionate arm around his shoulder.EMILY Is this good for us?ALEX We're far enough away from the screen -- I wouldn't worry about the radiation.EMILY I was talking about the program.ALEX The program?EMILY Yeah. I can see the IQ points dribbling out of your ears.ALEX Ouch!
(to camera)
(pause; to Emily) What are you suggesting?EMILY Oh, you know...ALEX No, Em, I don't know.EMILY It's only a suggestion...ALEX What is only a suggestion?
(losing patience)EMILY You know...getting a job.ALEX I know what you're thinking, but Emily isn't on anything illegal. Recreational pharmaceuticals are not her thing. She has a very legal prescription for Prozac. Lord, if she were a heavy drug user? You would have to time her speech with a glacier!
(to camera)
(to Emily) So, you're saying...EMILY It's not that we need the money -- I know I make enough at computer programming to support us both. It's just that it would be so wonderful if you would just make a little...you know...ALEX Effort?EMILY Yeah. That.ALEX Sure.EMILY Really?
INT. ABDUL FAROUK'S OFFICE -- DAY Alex, in an ill-fitting, plain suit, sits opposite ABDUL FAROUK (mid-40s, prosperous, business suit) in a busy office.ALEX It takes so little to make some people happy...
(to camera)
Farouk shudders with pleasant anticipation.FAROUK You know where the future lies?ALEX Plastics?FAROUK Garbage.ALEX Garbage?FAROUK It piles up -- tonnes and tonnes of solid waste every day. Growing as the population grows. Then there is all the waste from nuclear power plants being disposed of in the third world...
Alex nods. He picks a battered portfolio case up off the floor next to his chair, takes out a pen and notepad and starts to write something in it. Meanwhile, Farouk spreads a file open on his desk and starts writing in it. They look up at each other for a moment, then, as one, go back to writing. INT. UNION BOARDROOM -- DAY Alex is sitting across a big wooden table from MONIQUE PARENT (mid-30s, harried) in an otherwise small, plain room. A couple of styrofoam coffee cups are on the table. A smoldering cigarette rests in an ashtray in front of Parent.FAROUK (CONTINUING) Why should they get all that...wonderful, wonderful business?ALEX Uhh...FAROUK Garbage, Mister Freeman. It's the growth industry of the future.ALEX Uhh, yes, sir.FAROUK I'm impressed with your credentials. I should be in touch in a week or two to let you know if you will be given the position. In the meantime, do you have any questions?ALEX Uhh, yes, actually.FAROUK Shoot.ALEX Would you pay fifty-nine million dollars for van Gogh's Sunflowers?FAROUK I'm sorry.ALEX It's a great painting. Classic. But would you pay fifty-nine million dollars for it?FAROUK What...what would I want it for?ALEX I'm not sure. A painting that expensive -- you wouldn't want it for the foyer. Maybe keep it in a vault and only display it at important corporate functions?FAROUK Uhh, no. No, I can't see Al-Sahib Trading doing that.
Pause.PARENT Can you explain something to me, Mister Freeman?ALEX Sure.PARENT Your references are from some very prestigious corporations. Why would you want to work for a union? Surely, you could do better.ALEX Times are tough, Ms. Parent.PARENT Haven't you heard? Unions are finished. Our members are losing their fucking jobs by the fucking thousands -- it's only a matter of time before we're only representing ourselves.ALEX You know, anything I can do --PARENT I blame fucking Mulroney.
(dark)
INT. KITCHEN -- DAY Emily sits at the table, working on a spreadsheet on her laptop. Alex sits opposite her, sipping from a too hot mug of coffee.ALEX Uhh, can I ask you a question?PARENT What?ALEX Would the union pay fifty-nine million dollars for van Gogh's Sunflowers?PARENT You're fucking joking, right?
(pause) Haven't you been listening?
Alex shifts nervously in his chair.EMILY Are you trying to get a job?
Alex shrugs and smiles weakly. INT. TANSHING CONSULTING -- DAY Alex sits opposite FRANK ARSENAULT (late 50s, distinguished, sly sense on humour). His desk is littered with papers and knickknacks. The office is tastefully decorated with art.ALEX Of course.EMILY With these recommendations I whipped up for you, they should be begging you to work for them.ALEX Maybe it's just...bad chemistry...EMILY Bad chemistry? Alex, you've been on twenty-three interviews!
Alex turns to the camera, dismayed.ARSENAULT Very good, Mister Freeman. Very impressive. Do you have any questions about Tanshing Consulting?ALEX Yeah. Would you pay fifty-nine million dollars for van Gogh's Sunflowers?
(defiant)ARSENAULT Why, do you have the ownership papers?
(laughing)ALEX What? Oh, no, I --ARSENAULT It seems to me that the painting is owned by a Japanese bank, but if it ever comes onto the market, I'll consider your recommendation.
EXT. SCHOOL -- DAY Alex stands on the street watching kids of all ages come out of a school. Eventually, he spots Robin. Robin sees him and is about to speak. Alex puts a finger to his mouth, a mischievous look in his eyes. He waves for Robin to follow him; Robin eagerly does. INT. CAFE -- DAY Alex is drinking coffee opposite Robin, who is eating ice cream.ALEX Oh...shit!
Robin gives him a funny look.ALEX So, you, uhh, like sports?ROBIN Basketball. Michael Jordan rules.OLDER ROBIN Dad, dad, why did you desert me?
(voice over)ALEX I was too young -- I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a father.
(to camera)
(to Robin) How, uhh, how are you doing in school?ROBIN Okay, I guess.ALEX Stick with it, Robin. That's your future.OLDER ROBIN Hypocrite. You dropped out of university, and look where you are.
(voice over)ALEX You need a better argument?
(to camera)OLDER ROBIN Hmm...
(voice over)ROBIN I like history.ALEX Not, like, math or computers or --
(to Robin)
Alex beams at him. INT. KITCHEN -- DAY Jack, in an impeccable suit, sits at the table reading a newspaper and drinking a coffee; he is out of place in the small, spartan kitchen. Robin is sullenly eating out of a bowl of cereal. Mabel is frying up eggs and bacon at the stove.ALEX (CONTINUING) History is good. It's good.
(hastily)
(pause) Do you...uhh...have a lot of friends?ROBIN Dad, I'm happy you're here. Do we have to talk?
Mabel and Jack stare at him in disbelief. Robin goes back to eating his cereal.JACK Hmph! Language laws in this province are just another tool to keep the black man down.MABEL Oh, Jack. Come on...JACK Seriously. To deny us our language is to deny us our heritage. That's always the first step towards genocide.MABEL Jack, this is a battle among whites.JACK You understand, don't you, little man? We're gonna make sure you grow up knowing --
(shaking his head)ROBIN Drop dead, okay? Just drop dead!
(shouting)
INT. APARTMENT -- NIGHT Emily is standing in front of a canvas on an easel, concentrating heavily, a brush in one hand and a palette in the other. She is wearing a smock, but it is spotless. The television is on, but Alex is distractedly searching under the cushions of the couch.OLDER ROBIN Well, it worked once before...
(voice over)
Alex puts the cushions back in place and flops on the couch.ALEX Things. They're all around us. So, how come we don't appreciate the separate "thinginess" of things -- their unique place in the larger universe -- until they go missing? If Nietzche were here, I bet he'd...ummmm, bore us all with incomprehensible theories. In German.
(to camera)
The paintbrush in Emily's hand hovers over the canvas. Just as we expect her to finally make a stroke, however, she pulls back and continues her contemplation.ALEX (CONTINUING) The Buddha teaches us to transcend the concept of "owning" physical things. But, then again, he didn't have to get up every five minutes to change the channel.EMILY What are you looking for?ALEX Ah. The eternal question.EMILY Uhh, no. The specific question. Alex, what exactly are you missing?ALEX My pocket datebook. I can't find it anywhere.
(to Emily)EMILY Oh.
Emily decisively adds a stroke to the canvas.ALEX One of the things I love most about Emily is that she doesn't feel the need to underline the irony of a situation.
(to camera)
(pause) It hates me, you know.
Emily puts aside the palette.ALEX (CONTINUING) Really. You'd think it would be happy that I hardly have anything to put in it. I mean, I wouldn't want people writing their most trivial encounters down on my face. Maybe...maybe it feels useless. Unfulfilled. Like it doesn't have a meaningful role to play in the human comedy.
(beat pause) Like any of us do.EMILY It's not that big a deal.ALEX No?
(aloud)EMILY Most people manage to get to their jobs without having to write it down in their daytimers. After a while, it becomes almost...routine.ALEX Can you believe it? The crazy bastard at Tanshing Consulting gave me his stupid-ass office job. If he had any idea how confused I am, he would never --
(shudders; to camera)
Emily turns the easel towards Alex, who twists on the couch to look at it. The canvas is pristine except for single stroke we watched Emily place on it.EMILY There!
Emily smiles happily, rushes over to him and gives Alex a big hug.EMILY (CONTINUING) What do you think?ALEX It's a bit, uhh, minimalist for you, isn't it, Em?
(to Emily)EMILY The meds have helped me reconceive my visual vocabulary.ALEX What can I say? It's a perfect expression of who you are now.
INT. ROBIN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT Robin is lying on his bed, listening to music on a cheap clock radio turned down low and reading a Spiderman comic book. After a couple of seconds, there is a knock on the door and Mabel sticks her head in.ALEX (CONTINUING) Some people don't understand a painful truth when they hear it directly...thank god!
(to camera)
Mabel enters and sits on the edge of the bed. Robin puts the comic book aside.MABEL Can I come in?ROBIN Sure.
But Robin moves towards her on the bed and they share a big hug.MABEL You understand why you were sent to your room?ROBIN I guess.MABEL Robin, it's not nice to tell people to drop dead.ROBIN Sorry.
(considers for a moment)MABEL Robin, what's wrong?OLDER ROBIN Why, oh, why do adults ask children questions they do not want to hear the answers to?
(voice over)ROBIN I don't know.MABEL You know that no matter who else is in my life, you are my Number One Man, don't you?ROBIN Aww, mom!
(embarrassed)
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT Emily and Alex have just finished making love. They are lying on their backs, sweaty and breathing heavily. Alex turns on his side and traces a tattoo of a dragon on her shoulder, under which are Chinese characters.OLDER ROBIN Mothers. They should have a special day or something.
(voice over)
Alex falls back on the bed.ALEX Why do you love me?EMILY You're the first man I slept with who didn't ask me what the tattoo meant.
INT. CAFE -- DAY Alex sits drinking a cola opposite Robin, who is eating a piece of pie.ALEX You love my disinterest?EMILY I thought it was a sign of respect.ALEX It's such a fine line...
(to camera, frowning)
Pause.ALEX So, uhh, why history?ROBIN History's full of cool stories.ALEX Your mother didn't push you into it?ROBIN Why would she?ALEX She was a history major at university.ROBIN Mom went to university? Cool!ALEX My god! Obsessions with the past are genetic!
(to camera)
Alex holds up a hand.ROBIN Dad?ALEX Yes?
(smiles warmly)ROBIN What do you do?ALEX Oh, you could say I'm...between careers.
(smile slips)ROBIN Yeah? Jack says people who say that are bums.ALEX Jack?ROBIN Yeah. Mom's latest --
EXT. TANSHING CONSULTING -- DAY It is a non-descript, grey, one-story building in an industrial part of town. A small sign on the front door identifies the company. Alex walks up to the front door. He checks a piece of paper in his hand to see if the address is correct. Apparently, it is.ALEX No need to go into details.OLDER ROBIN Sorry, dad. Six year-olds aren't exactly over-equipped with tact...
(voice over)ALEX Robin...OLDER ROBIN Actually, dad, before you get to that question, I have one for you. Didn't it occur to you that, sooner or later, mom would figure out that you were meeting me after school?
(voice over)ALEX Long-term strategic thinking wasn't exactly my strong suit at that stage of my life.
(to camera, grinning)OLDER ROBIN Okay, dad. What was your question?
(voice over, sighs)ALEX Robin, are you a Spiderman fan?
INT. TANSHING CONSULTING -- DAY Alex is sitting at a desk. Mr. Arsenault is standing nearby.ALEX Does this look like a legitimate business to you?
(to camera)
Arsenault walks out of the room. Alex looks around at the mostly bare room.ARSENAULT So, Alex, you think you can handle the phone system?ALEX That's all you want me to do? Answer the phone?ARSENAULT That's it.ALEX No filing?ARSENAULT Paper...paper is so messy and so...easy to trace...
(philosophical)
(beat pause) Besides, don't we live in a digital age?ALEX Oh.
(beat pause) When do I get to meet the other employees?ARSENAULT They're all, uhh, out on assignment.ALEX Assignment?ARSENAULT Yeah. We have an international clientele.ALEX I see. So...what does the company actually do?ARSENAULT Tanshing Consulting? We consult.ALEX Of course.ARSENAULT So, if you're sure you're okay...ALEX Call forwarding is a bit tricky, but otherwise --ARSENAULT Okay. See you at five.
(laughing)
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND -- DAY Robin is playing soccer with other children. The ball tends to be dominated by older, bigger children, but Robin seems to be having fun running after the play and occasionally getting to kick the ball.ALEX I'm sorry, but does this look like a legitimate business to you?
(to camera)
Robin slips on something and falls to his knees.OLDER ROBIN Over the years, I've developed a -- well, I wouldn't dignify it with the term "theory." Let's call it a series of connected observations which lead to some tentative concepts. For most of human hist --
(voice over)
With the resilience of the young, Robin jumps to his feet and keeps going.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) Oww! I hate when that happens!
Robin heads the ball smartly.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) For most of recorded history, the human lifespan has been, on average, 30 years or less. It wasn't until this century, really, that the average lifespan skyrocketed. In certain countries, anyway. Now, it seems to me that, in Darwinian terms, we've only evolved about 30 years worth of attention. After all, for most of history, we haven't needed any more.
Robin wobbles a little, but soon rights himself and gets back into the game.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) YES!
Another boy on his team scores, and all of the children, including Robin, gather round to congratulate him.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) This wouldn't be a problem if we actually used the first 30 years of our lives to try and find answers to the big questions. You know: the meaning of life, the mystery of love, why sports gave me such pleasure when I obviously wasn't good at them. The problem is: who wants to ponder big questions when the sun is shining and there is fun to be had?
Play resumes, and the children begin to run around again.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) We put off pondering because, well, we've got a whole, long lifetime to figure things out.
Out of breath, Robin goes to the sidelines and falls onto his back in the grass.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) By the time we get around to the big questions, though, we've spent too much time worrying about whether we should start drinking Lite Beer to slow the bulge of our waistline, whether having an affair will make us happy -- or, at least, less unhappy -- and whether the shit on television this year will be better than the shit on television last year. It becomes harder and harder to focus on the big questions. Our attention, you see, is all used up.
INT. TANSHING CONSULTING -- DAY Alex sits in his chair looking bored.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) What do you think?ROBIN I wonder what mom is making for dinner...
(breathing heavily)OLDER ROBIN Sometimes, I can be such a disappointment to myself!
(voice over)
SOUND: the phone rings.ALEX Would you believe that everything in this office is locked? How is that supposed to foster trust among the employee --
(to camera)
Alex picks up the receiver.ALEX (CONTINUING) Excuse me. I've got to take this.
SOUND: hang up and dial tone.ALEX (CONTINUING) Tanshing Consulting.
(into phone)PHONE VOICE Arsenault?
(gruff, Japanese accent)ALEX Mister Arsenault is not in the office at the moment.PHONE VOICE Ach! I beg him to get cell phone, but he refuses. Doesn't trust them. You new kid?ALEX Uhh, yes, sir. I guess. Would you --PHONE VOICE You need a dozen crates of fish filleters?ALEX What?PHONE VOICE Stainless steel. Last a lifetime.ALEX I don't think --PHONE VOICE New kid, you okay. I call back later.
(barks laughter)ALEX Would you like to leave a message?PHONE VOICE What I say? I call back later.ALEX Yes --
Alex hangs up.ALEX (CONTINUING) Sir.
INT. LIVINGROOM -- DAY Mabel is sitting on a couch reading a thick historical romance novel. Robin is doing a small jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table. MUSIC: a CD is playing.ALEX (CONTINUING) Nothing suspicious about that. Just another day at the office.
(to camera)(sighs)
Pause.ROBIN Mom?MABEL Yes, dear?ROBIN Why don't we have a TV?MABEL TV makes you stupid, dear.ROBIN Oh.
(pause) Mom?MABEL Yes, dear?ROBIN Judy Ferlinger's parents let her kids watch TV, and she's just about the smartest kid in school.MABEL Ah. Okay, look, Robin, when you watch TV at Tommy's --ROBIN Oh, mom, you know I --MABEL Don't lie to me, boy.ROBIN No, ma'am.MABEL So, when you watch TV, do you remember what you watch?ROBIN Sure. We watch Star Trek and Ren and Stimpy and Gilligan's Island and --MABEL Yes, but can you tell me the story? What actually happened on any of those shows?ROBIN Sure. Uhh...ummm...
(to the camera) I...I...I wish I had something funny and clever to say.OLDER ROBIN Don't be impatient, little one. You'll find your own voice...in time.
(voice over)
Mabel looks at him penetratingly for a couple of seconds. She nods to herself, as if at an inner realization. Robin is not going to tell her; he doesn't have to. She's figured it out for herself. INT. CAFE -- DAY Alex is drinking a coffee and eating a chocolate croissant opposite Robin, who is eating ice cream.ROBIN Mom, how come you never told me you went to university?MABEL I don't like to talk about it.ROBIN How long were you there?MABEL Two...two and a half yearsROBIN If you didn't like it so much, how come you're always telling me to go?MABEL Well, some things about it were amazing. I remember standing on the fourth floor of Mclellan-Redpath -- it's a library -- surrounded on all sides by books. Books to the left of me! Books to the right of me! I got dizzy from being surrounded by so much knowledge.ROBIN Take me some time?MABEL There are no TVs.
(sly)ROBIN That's okay.MABEL Deal.
(pause) Robin?ROBIN Yes?MABEL How did you know I went to university?OLDER ROBIN Smooth move, Ace.
(voice over)ROBIN Uhh...I just...guessed.
Mabel stalks in, furious.ROBIN No way, dad.ALEX Way, Robin.ROBIN You are so totally wrong.ALEX Nyu-unh. I am so totally right.ROBIN Get serious. Captain Kirk would have kicked Captain Picard's ass in a fair fight!ALEX I don't agree.ROBIN Captain Picard is so...old!ALEX Exactly! Don't you think you learn a trick or two as you get older?ROBIN Dad! I said a fair fight!ALEX Me, too! You don't fight with just brute strength -- and I'm not saying Captain Picard isn't plenty strong, because he is. But as you get older, you learn...moves, you learn --
Mabel turns on him.ALEX (CONTINUING) Finesse.MABEL Come on, Robin. Time to go home.ALEX Mabel --MABEL I'm not talking to you, Alex.ALEX He is my son.
Mabel takes Robin's hand. Robin looks at Alex, who gently nods. Robin reluctantly walks off with his mother.MABEL You selfish, self-centred, irresponsible prick! I was the one who had to drop out of school when your "son" was born. Where were your fatherly instincts then, hunh? Hunh? Where were you when he was puking at three in the morning? Hmm? Do you have any idea what kind of shit I had to do to support us? Now, you think you can waltz back into our lives because you had a fatherly urge? Alex! Grow up!
(cold fury)
FADE TO BLACK: TITLE CARD Wise? EXT. SCHOOL GATE -- DAY Robin looks around, hoping to see Alex. But Alex isn't there. After a few seconds, Robin walks away, disappointed. INT. LIVINGROOM -- NIGHT Alex is sitting in front of the television set, zombified.ALEX Can you see why I love her?
(to camera)
Alex waves a hand in the vague direction of the TV.EMILY I mean, I mean, van Gogh, right? He only sold one painting in his life. One painting. In his entire life. I figure, if my gallery show goes really, really, really, really well tomorrow night, I should be able to sell a couple of paintings. Two. Easy.
(off, in a rush)ALEX Uhh, Em --EMILY Then I'll have sold more paintings in my life than Vincent van Gogh! More than Vincent! Couldn't you just die?
(off, squeals)ALEX Em, I'm trying to watch something here.EMILY Oh, yeah? What are you watching?
(off)ALEX Oh, you know...
A few drops of paint fly from off and hit Alex in the cheek. He doesn't move.ALEX (CONTINUING) Something.EMILY Of course, that wouldn't make me better than van Gogh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, if my paintings sold for 50 million dollars a hundred years from now -- man, I get dizzy just thinking about it! Karn Evil Number Eight going for -- I mean, I wouldn't be around to enjoy the money, but -- wow! You know? Wow!
(off)
Emily is painting at an easel set up in one corner of the room with short, manic brushstrokes and the occasional jab at the canvas.ALEX Emily, you're spraying.
Alex gets up off the couch and lays a hand on the back of the hand in which Emily is holding the paintbrush.EMILY Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. About tomorrow -- do you think I should wear my black dress or my yellow dress? The yellow dress does have a sort of sunflower pattern -- I'm really drawn to the symbolism at the moment -- you know, the Vincent connection. On the other hand --
Stunned, Alex backs away from Emily and drops back on the couch.ALEX Emily, did you take your meds today?
(gently)EMILY Meds? No. No. No. Not today.ALEX Why not?EMILY I was worried it wouldn't be good for the baby.ALEX The baby? What baby?EMILY Well, you know. Our baby. Yours and mine. You know -- ours.
Alex looks at the camera and opens his mouth to speak, but, for once, nothing glib comes out. He shuts his mouth, distressed. INT. CAFE -- NIGHT Jack (carving a hunk of roast beef) and Mabel (a hamburger) sit at a table in a packed cafe.ALEX But...but...but we always used protection.EMILY Well, you know, nature always finds a way. The problem with the yellow dress is that it makes me look too girlish -- don't you think? Too young. I want to be taken seriously as an artist. Now, the black dress, the black dress is a slinky little number I know all those art patron bastards will go for. But do I really want to be selling paintings like that? I mean, Vincent never resorted to that. Probably didn't have the figure for it.
(giggles) Maybe he should have tried. I don't know. I just don't know. What do you think?
SOUND: small crowd groan.MABEL That's not really your concern, Jack.JACK I can't help it. I worry about the boy.
SOUND: a couple of people applaud.MABEL He just met his biological father for the first time -- of course he's upset.JACK What happened the other morning went way beyond upset. The boy has to learn respect for his elders.
SOUND: scattered boos and hisses.PUNTER Pick it up, man! Pick it up!
(off)MABEL Robin's only six years old.JACK If he doesn't learn now, when?
SOUND: scattered cheers.MABEL What are you suggesting?JACK I know a private school -- discipline is an important part of --PUNTER What kind of call was that?
(off)MABEL Ha! I can't afford --JACK I can help.MABEL No. I'm not putting Robin through that.JACK It would be good for him.MABEL I'm not putting Robin through that.
(firm)
Realizing he's about to go too far, Jack stops. Too late. Mabel's eyes narrow.JACK He needs to learn discipline. He obviously doesn't --
SOUND: scattered cheers.MABEL Doesn't what?JACK Mabel, let's not --MABEL You think I'm not raising him properly?JACK A growing boy needs a man's presence in --
(resigned)MABEL Hey -- it was a man who left me to raise him alone when I got pregnant!
(hot)
SOUND: louder cheer.MABEL (CONTINUING) Those men who loved looking at my body -- I don't recall any of them begging to help me raise my kid.
Mabel gets up and stalks out. She passes through a crowd of people, mostly men, watching soccer on television.JACK All I'm saying --MABEL You've said enough. Sharing my bed does not give you the right to tell me how to raise my son!PUNTER Alright!
(off)
EXT. STREET -- NIGHT Mabel power walks down the street, furious. She is stopped short by a squat, brick, old building. The front window has brown paper over the inside to keep people from looking in. A sign at the top of the window proclaims it to be a "XXX Emporium." Incensed, Mabel enters the building. INT. PORN SHOP -- NIGHT There is the usual complement of stands full of video cases and magazines in plastic shrinkwrap. Mabel stalks towards the counter, where a CLERK (small, mousy, early 50s) sits in front of a display of dirty magazines reading a later volume of Proust's A La Recherche du Temps Perdu. As Mabel arrives at his desk, he looks up, sees her and puts the book carefully, almost reverently, down on the counter.JACK Fucking World Cup!
(to himself, darkly)
Clerk blinks uncomprehendingly.CLERK Ah, oui?MABEL How long has this...store been here?CLERK Six mois...uhh, six months.MABEL Do you realize what a sacrilege this is?CLERK You are not one of the -- how you say? -- anti-porn crusaders?MABEL This is a historical building!
A CUSTOMER with a video box in hand shyly walks towards the counter, unsure if it's safe to proceed.CLERK Quoi?MABEL Have you ever heard of the Ste-Anne de Beaupre Armory?CLERK I just work here, eh?
(shrugs)MABEL It was an important part of the battles for Confederation! Have you no sense of history?CLERK You want history, go to the Old City.MABEL Come on! Without a sense of your history, you're nothing! How can you know who you are if you don't know who your ancestors were or what they did?
He shrugs at the Customer, who pretends interest in a nearby display of sex dolls.CLERK Viens, viens. Elle est fou -- completement fou.MABEL Tu crois que je ne parle pas le Francais?CLERK Ah. Pardon.
Mabel looks at him in disbelief. Maybe she is so angry that she is beyond words, maybe it's starting to dawn on her that this is the wrong argument at the wrong time. Frustration now adding to her fury, she stalks off. EXT. SCHOOL GATE -- DAY Alex watches from behind the corner of a building as several kids walk out of the school. Robin walks out of the gate and pauses hopefully.MABEL I mean, Jesus Christ, if you --CLERK Mademoiselle, please!MABEL What?CLERK Watch your language! This is a respectable business!
Mabel walks up to Robin, takes him by the hand and leads him off.ALEX Should I?
(to camera)
INT. SHOE STORE -- DAY Robin and Mabel sit in the store, waiting to be served.ALEX (CONTINUING) I think not.
Alex sticks his head in the store window, then pulls back.ROBIN Jordans.MABEL No.ROBIN Jordans.MABEL We can't afford them.ROBIN Jordans.MABEL I said: "No."
EXT. SHOE STORE -- DAY From outside the store, Alex cautiously watches Robin sullenly try on shoes.ROBIN Jordans.MABEL What did I say?ROBIN Jordans.MABEL You want to go barefoot?ROBIN Jo --
Alex watches Robin for a few seconds, then hastily turns back to the camera.ALEX You know, according to mathematical probability, in any major city coincidences are bound to happen. Strangers walk down parallel streets for several blocks. Old friends walk the same path 30 seconds apart. Paths crisscross but people never actually meet. Stalking? Or strolling? You be the judge.
(to camera)
Alex turns back to watch Robin. EXT. APARTMENT -- DAY Mabel, carrying a bag from the store, and Robin walk into the building. Alex watches from the street.ALEX (CONTINUING) No, actually, I'll be the judge. It's strolling. That's all. Just people out strolling.
(nods to himself) Strolling.
EXT. APARTMENT -- NIGHT Alex is still watching several hours later. He has pulled his collar up to ward off the cold, but shivers anyway. Suddenly, Alex jerks his head back and forth a few times. He stops, frowns, then jerks his head a couple more times.ALEX Best not to talk right now. We wouldn't want to draw attention...
(to camera)
Alex shrugs and turns his attention back to the apartment. INT. ALEX' APARTMENT -- NIGHT It is dark. Alex walks in the front door, shutting it behind him. He opens a light and walks into the room. He walks past an empty space on the wall where Emily's painting used to hang, pauses for a moment, puzzled, then realizes what's missing.ALEX Out of the corner of my eye...strange presentiments of doom and foreboding. What am I forgetting? What?
(to camera)
Alex looks at the wall, then back at the camera.ALEX Oh, my god! We've been robbed!
(to camera)
INT. LIVINGROOM -- DAY Alex sits zombified in front of the television.ALEX (CONTINUING) We've been robbed...by a thief with really terrible taste!
INT. KITCHEN -- NIGHT A pot of water is boiling on the stove. An opened box of Kraft Dinner is on the counter next to the stove. Alex throws a pinch of salt into the water.ALEX Something is missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something is not quite right...
(to camera)
Alex picks up the box and throws the noodles into the pot. INT. LIVINGROOM -- DAY Alex sits zombified in front of the television.ALEX Surprised I can cook? Hey -- I went to university...for a couple of years. I had to learn something!
(to camera)
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT Alex opens a bottom drawer full of socks and underwear. On top of the clothing is a handwritten note.ALEX No, it has nothing to do with food. Something has definitely changed, though...
(to camera)
Alex picks up the sheet and starts to read it.ALEX Three days later, it came to me...
(to camera)
Alex continues reading.EMILY Dearest Alex, You are a self-absorbed, self-centred, selfish man.
(voice over)ALEX Do you sense a theme emerging here?
(to camera)
Alex tosses the note aside. He is trying to be casual, but he puts too much energy into it. Clearly, he is upset. EXT. STREET -- DAY Alex is walking down the street, concentrating. He talks to the camera.EMILY This does not make you a bad person. It just makes you a person I do not want to live with any longer. Love, Emily.
(voice over)ALEX I know. I know. But, really, I would have noticed a lot sooner if she hadn't left the note in my sock drawer. I mean, Jesus, who leaves a goodbye letter in a sock drawer?
(to camera)
Alex walks up to a RESPECTABLE MAN, walking in the opposite direction, and stops him.ALEX Love. What is it, really? Am I just horny? Is love just a rationalization for getting our rocks off? I...I think I feel something deeper, but --
The Respectable Man rushes away. Across the street, a couple walks in Alex' direction. He starts to move towards them, but they quickly scurry away. Alex turns to the camera.ALEX (CONTINUING) Excuse me, but I'm having trouble with the concept of love --RESPECTABLE MAN I have no money. Sorry.ALEX I don't want your money. I --RESPECTABLE MAN There's no point taking my credit cards. I'll just cancel them before you can use them, then I'll have to go to the trouble of replacing them.ALEX No, look, about love --RESPECTABLE MAN The police have started patrolling this neighbourhood more frequently since...the wrong element started moving in. If I were you, I'd forget about...this and move on. Quickly.ALEX Okay. Sorry.
(defeated)
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND -- DAY Robin is playing soccer with some of his friends. From a distance, Alex is watching. Alex hides behind a tree, careful not to be seen by Robin. After a couple of seconds, he turns to the camera.ALEX (CONTINUING) How come this never happens to Woody Allen?
Alex turns back to watch Robin. After a couple of seconds, he returns his attention to the camera.ALEX I know what you're thinking. "Alex! Alex, man! Pull yourself together! You're too good a character to become a psycho stalker!" Well... thanks. I'm touched by your concern. No need to worry, though. I'm not a stalker. I love these people.
Alex tries to turn back towards Robin, but immediately returns to the camera.ALEX (CONTINUING) Yeah, okay, I suppose every stalker says he loves his victims. But, like, it's okay. Really, I don't intend to hurt anybody.
Alex steals one last look at Robin, then walks away. INT. KITCHEN -- NIGHT Mabel is washing dishes. Robin is colouring in a book at the kitchen table.ALEX (CONTINUING) Okay, okay. I know that's what all stalkers say right up to the time they commit their first violent act. But this is not like that. What can I do to convince you?
(pause) You're hard. You know that? You really are hard.
EXT. TANSHING CONSULTING -- DAY A small crowd has gathered around the building which is slowly burning to the ground. A couple of BYSTANDERS are watching in the street nearby.ROBIN Hey, mom, where is Mister Wright?MABEL Honey, Jack...Mister Wright...he won't be coming around here any more.ROBIN No?MABEL No.ROBIN Oh.OLDER ROBIN Look at this scene. Here, my mother's heart was breaking, and you know what I was thinking? "Alright! Two for two!" You think children are innocent? Don't believe it. Not for a second.
(voice over)
Alex walks up to the Bystanders.BYSTANDER 1 ...Brebeuf International -- now there was a fire!BYSTANDER 2 Best I ever seen.BYSTANDER 1 We were cleaning the soot out of our clothes for a week!BYSTANDER 2 Made you proud to be pure lain.BYSTANDER 1 Who says Quebec can't compete?BYSTANDER 2 This isn't bad...BYSTANDER 1 Six point five for creativity, but three point six for combustibility.
In a nearby part of the street is a firetruck. MICHEL DUTOIT (fortyish, bear-like, affable, moderately heavy French accent) sits on the steps of the truck. Arsenault stands next to him. They both drink coffee out of styrofoam cups.BYSTANDER 2 You always were a harsh judge.ALEX What...what's happening?BYSTANDER 2 Isn't it obvious?ALEX Well...BYSTANDER 1 Someone was careless with matches!
Alex walks up to them.DUTOIT ...old Forum had history. What does the new Forum have? Televisions? I'm not impressed.ARSENAULT Ah, Michel, the history is with the team, not with the place they play.DUTOIT There you are wrong, mon ami. Players come and go, but the building...ah, that is what truly lasts. Or, did...
Dutoit offers his gloved hand to Alex. It takes Alex a second to realize he should shake it.ARSENAULT You always were a sentimentalist.ALEX Mister Arsenault, what -- what's going on?DUTOIT Looks like somebody was careless with matches.ARSENAULT Now, Michel, let's not jump to conclusions. It could have been an electrical short.DUTOIT Bien sur.ARSENAULT Alex, this is Michel Dutoit. Michel, Alexander Freeman, my latest employee.
Arsenault takes out a wallet impossibly full of money.DUTOIT My condolences.ALEX Why?ARSENAULT I'm afraid this is the end of Tanshing Consulting.ALEX What?ARSENAULT Not to worry. I've got your card on file, and we should be setting up another company in six to eight weeks...DUTOIT Hazards of the trade.ALEX What trade?ARSENAULT I think I'll try import/export next. International Circumflex did very well for me for a while.DUTOIT That was a great fire.ALEX But --ARSENAULT I'm grateful for all you've done for me, Alex. Please allow me to pay you for today.
INT. RESTAURANT -- DAY There is a light, mid-afternoon crowd. Jack walks in and sits down at a booth. Mildred looks at Mabel, who is watching Jack peruse the menu.ARSENAULT Twenties okay?ALEX A check will be fine.ARSENAULT That's not the way I do business.DUTOIT Paper trails, you know.ALEX You are my witnesses, right? I tried this time, really, I did...
(to camera, overwhelmed)
Mabel looks at her shocked. Mildred goes all sheepish.MILDRED Want me to take this one?MABEL He's in my section.MILDRED That's okay.MABEL What do you always say about the rules?MILDRED Fuck the rules. Life is too short.
Mabel walks over to where Jack is sitting.MILDRED (CONTINUING) Well...MABEL Thanks, but he's my problem...
(smiling)
Jack nods to himself.MABEL (CONTINUING) What'll it be?JACK I think I'll have...one of everything on the menu, please.MABEL You must be very hungry.JACK I can always take what I don't eat home in a doggie bag.MABEL There aren't that many doggies in the city.
MESSENGER walks up to Mabel with a huge bouquet of flowers.MABEL (CONTINUING) So, seriously, what do you want?JACK I want to apologize. The other day, I...I went too far.
The Messenger hands her the bouquet and leaves.MESSENGER Mabel Walters?MABEL Yes?MESSENGER These are for you.
MESSENGER 2 walks up to Mabel with a different bouquet of flowers.MABEL Jack, you think because you have money --JACK Made money. I wasn't born with it -- I earned every cent.MABEL I know. I know, okay? It's just that --JACK No. Sorry. Look, this is all just a token of how much --MABEL Damn right it's just a token.JACK What's that supposed to mean?
He hands her the flowers and leaves.MESSENGER 2 Ms. Walters? Ms. Mabel Walters?MABEL Yes?MESSENGER 2 These are for you.
MESSENGER 3 walks up to Mabel with yet another, even larger bouquet of flowers.MABEL Jesus, Jack. You spend money on me for your own benefit, for...for sitters when you want to go out with me, or...to make up for when we're fighting. But when it comes to anything truly important --JACK Like what?MABEL Like helping me --
Messenger 3 places the bouquet in Mabel's arms, which are getting full of cradled flowers, and leaves.MESSENGER 3 Mabel Walters? Are you Mabel Walters?MABEL What?
(sharp)MESSENGER 3 These -- uhh -- these are for you.
(taken aback)MABEL Keep them.MESSENGER 3 I, uhh, I'm not allowed to do tha --MABEL Fine. Give them here.
Jack shrugs.MABEL (CONTINUING) Do you have any more little surprises for me?
Pause. They are both shocked that she has said this.MABEL (CONTINUING) Supplementing my income so I could support Robin and finish school. How come you could never afford to do that?JACK I told you a million times, I have no intention of supporting another man's child. What would it look like if --MABEL You just don't want me to better myself.
MESSENGER 4, carrying the biggest bouquet yet, walks up to Mabel and clears her throat.JACK Mabel --MABEL You like your little poor girl, don't you? It's a thrill to make it with a stripper, isn't it?JACK A former stripper.MABEL Not if you had your way.JACK You're being unfair --
Messenger 4 looks at the flowers in Mabel's arms, confused, then looks at Jack, who unhelpfully shrugs.MABEL No, I'm not Mabel Walters.
Mabel looks around, finding an OLD LADY at a nearby table and nods in her direction.MABEL (CONTINUING) Okay. Okay. What?MESSENGER 4 These are for --MABEL Give them to --
Messenger 4 hesitates.MABEL (CONTINUING) Her.MESSENGER 4 Uhh, I don't think --MABEL I would do it, but my hands are kind of full at the moment.
Messenger 4 hands the flowers to the Old Lady, who ad libs thanks, and exits.MABEL (CONTINUING) Do it!
Mabel walks to the counter. She gives bouquets to two female customers on the way. At the counter, she hands the final bouquet to Mildred.MABEL (CONTINUING) Save your tokens for somebody you really love. I'm getting off your bus.
EXT. CAFE -- DAY Alex is sitting outdoors, sipping a drink and watching people walk by.FEMALE CUSTOMER I love the service in this place!
EXT. GARDEN -- DAY Black and white scene of Emily leaning over a picnic table. Just as she is about to kiss Alex, the shot returns to the beginning, like a skipping record. Over and over again.ALEX Love. I just don't get it. I mean, I don't know where the idea of love comes from...
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT Black and white scene of Emily and Alex standing framed in the doorway of a bedroom. They embrace and kiss passionately. Then, the door of the bedroom, seemingly of its own volition, closes.ALEX Okay, I know where that idea came from. But --
(voice over)
INT. CLUB -- NIGHT Emily and Alex are sitting at a small table in a corner, a couple of empty beer bottles in front of each of them. The music is deafening, the bass literally shaking the concrete floor.ALEX Okay, look, it doesn't matter where I got those ideas. The point is...love -- it's never what you expect it will be...
(voice over)
SUBTITLE: I'm having a good time.ALEX I'm having a really good time!
(shouting)
SUBTITLE: What?EMILY What?
(shouting)
SUBTITLE: I have fun with you.ALEX I have a really good time -- when I'm with you!
SUBTITLE: Oh, yeah?EMILY Oh, yeah?
SUBTITLE: Yeah!ALEX Yeah!
SUBTITLE: Do you want to have blood taken? Alex isn't sure he's heard her correctly.EMILY So, wanna go for blood tests?
SUBTITLE: What?ALEX What?
SUBTITLE: Are you ready for blood tests? Pause while Alex works out the ramifications. Then, a big smile spreads across his face. EXT. CAFE -- DAYEMILY Blood tests -- are you ready?
EXT. PARKING LOT -- NIGHT Emily and Alex are walking giddily through the dimly lit parking lot.ALEX Who says romance is dead?
(pause) That was the night Emily saved my life...
Emily playfully bodychecks him off-balance.EMILY Did too!ALEX Did not.EMILY I know you did.ALEX I know I didn't.EMILY I swear you did!ALEX I swear I didn't!EMILY You most certainly, absolutely, definitely --
SOUND: a car engine revs. The headlights turn on, catching Emily in a makeshift spotlight. She bows, deeply, from the waist, with an elaborate flourish of her hands. She and Alex continue walking.EMILY (CONTINUING) Did!
A car rounds a corner in the parking lot, bathing Alex in the glare from its headlights. He starts an elaborate bow, but Emily pulls him to one side. The car drives past them.ALEX What was that about?EMILY Gotta get our glory where we can. Anyway, don't change the subject.ALEX If I did what you allege, I think I would have remembered...EMILY You were so out of it, it's a miracle you have any memory left at all!
INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN -- DAY Andre is sweating behind a fryer. Mabel is sitting on a stool near the door, unhappy. Mildred enters.EMILY (CONTINUING) Dude, you've got to choose your moments of glory more carefully!
Mabel smiles. Small, but a smile nonetheless. Mildred turns to the chef.MILDRED Mabel, what the --ANDRE Do something with her, Millie, I beg of you. She is ruining my concentration!MILDRED What's the matter, dear?MABEL I think I may have been too harsh...MILDRED With Jack? That bastard?MABEL No. With Alex.MILDRED Alex? What? That bastard? After what he did to you --MABEL Robin is his son.MILDRED So, when he takes responsibility for his son, then let the bastard see him.MABEL Maybe he is more responsible. I mean, it's been six years. He could have changed a lot.MILDRED Until he actually shows you that he is more responsible, you have every right to -- hey, wait a minute. Wait just a minute, here. Aren't these your lines I'm saying?
Andre goes to a cupboard and takes out some eggs. He begins to break them and put them into a bowl.MILDRED (CONTINUING) Andre --ANDRE I know, I know. Make something special for the lady. Whenever it's that time of the month -- it's a miracle the customers ever get to taste anything I cook!MILDRED Where's your compassion? Didn't you ever see Big Night?ANDRE Oui, oui. Compassion flies out of my every fucking pore.
Mildred turns towards her.MABEL I'm scared, Mildred.
Mildred awkwardly puts a reassuring hand on Mabel's shoulder. Mildred isn't very good with this emotional stuff, so she takes her hand back and hurries out.MILDRED What? Of Alex? Sounds like he's a creampuff.MABEL Of me. I don't want to be this angry. Why can't I forgive him and move on?MILDRED When the time comes, you'll know. In the meantime...eat three meals daily and keep up your strength.
EXT. STREET -- DAY Alex walks down the street.OLDER ROBIN I was angry at my mother for keeping my dad away from me, but, when I was old enough to understand the situation fully, I realized how much that decision must have torn her apart.
(voice over)
(beat pause) Yeah, yeah, I know I didn't witness that scene firsthand. But you know, who cares if those were the exact words? I think I captured the emotional truth of that moment.
(beat pause) Today's moviegoers are unbelievably fucking cynical!
A police officer runs past him, but Alex barely notices.ALEX Emotions. They're killers. I mean, how can we hope to understand what's going on in the world if we can't even get a handle on what's going on in our own heads?
(to camera)
A police officer running down the street bumps into Alex, knocking him off stride, then continues past him.ALEX (CONTINUING) You know what the worst part is? Some people are just too...I don't know how to -- sensitive. That's it. We're just too sensitive to the things in our environment. For instance, I --
Alex rights himself.ALEX (CONTINUING) Hey!
(to policeman)
Alex comes to a barricade behind which a couple of police officers are standing. A half dozen bystanders mill about; a couple peer to see what is happening beyond the barricades.ALEX (CONTINUING) Some people are just so...highly attuned to every little thing that's going on around them that the slightest change in the environment affects them very deep --
(to camera)
Alex turns down a side street. EXT. SIDE STREET -- DAY Alex continues walking.ALEX (CONTINUING) Well, this is annoying...
From the opposite direction, BUM (mid-30s, tattered clothes, grimy, played by the same actor as the Yuppie) walks toward Alex. He gesticulates madly, as the Yuppie did, and talks loud and angry, although to nobody in particular.ALEX I was always too sensitive. I always felt things too much. When I was growing up, I knew I was going to be either a poet or a serial killer. Unfortunately for the world, I can't stand the sight of blood...
(to camera)
Alex pays no attention to him as he walks past. When the Bum is behind him, Alex stops and turns, a quizzical expression on his face, as if he should know something, but it eludes him. On the brick wall behind Alex, somebody has spraypainted the words: "god laughs."BUM ...my ass for the -- for the -- for what? For fucking what? You tell those -- no, no -- what? I don't give a fuck what -- yeah, no shit!
(sputtering ad lib)
Alex shakes his head and walks on. The full spraypainted message behind him is revealed: "Man plans, god laughs." INT. BATHROOM -- DAY Alex is rooting around in the medicine cabinet. He shakes a couple of pill bottles, but they sound empty. He turns to the camera.ALEX What?
(to camera)
Alex turns back and opens a third bottle of pills. Upending it, he finds three capsules. He shakes his head sadly and dumps them in the sink. Then, he turns back to the camera.ALEX The problem with being crazy is that your brain tells you pretty much the same things it was telling you when you were sane.
Turning back to the bathroom, Alex finds a razor, opens it and puts the blade against his wrist. He closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them, shaking his head.ALEX (CONTINUING) You have almost exactly the same thoughts. Almost. But even if you know something's not right, you have to trust it. I mean, it's your brain, for god's sake.
Alex tosses the razor aside, then turns back to the camera.ALEX (CONTINUING) Who am I kidding?
(to himself)
Alex slowly drops his hand, smiling. He has had a sudden inspiration. INT. KITCHEN -- DAY Alex lies motionless on the floor with his head in the oven. SOUND: keys negotiating a lock, a door opening and closing from off.ALEX (CONTINUING) If only a buzzer went off in your head -- like football's two minute warning.
(cups his mouth with a hand) Warning! Two minutes to the end of your mental rope.
Emily appears at the kitchen door and sees Alex.EMILY Alex? Are you here? I was talking to my friend Pauline -- she's the dermatologist, you know -- and she couldn't figure out why I was the one who left the apartment. I mean, I'm the one paying the rent and everything. So, I realized --
(off)
Alex starts, tries to lift his head and, of course, bangs it. Loudly. Emily rushes to him, dropping to her knees next to him. She cradles Alex' head in her lap.EMILY (CONTINUING) Alex!
(shouts)
The floodgates open, and Alex starts to wail. Emily gently rocks him.ALEX What --?
(dazed)EMILY You goof. I told them to turn off the gas days ago -- didn't you notice? But then, I thought, I'm coming back, so I might as well get them to turn it back on, but I guess -- lucky you -- they hadn't gotten around to it ye --
(affectionate)ALEX My watch doesn't work, Em!
(sobs)EMILY I know, dear. I know.
FADE TO BLACK: EXT. STREET -- DAY Robin is walking down the street.EMILY (CONTINUING) It's okay, Alex. It'll be okay.
Robin turns a corner and stops dead in his tracks, his eyes widening. ANGLE ON: Robin's POV. He sees ASSHOLE (late teens, tall, gangly, dirty) walking quickly towards him from almost a block away. Asshole holds one hand away from his body; huge billows of red smoke pour out of it. Robin hesitates, not knowing what to do. Asshole stops ten feet in front of him. They stand there for a moment, frozen. ANGLE ON: Asshole's POV. Over Robin's shoulder can be seen two or three police cruisers parked in front of a plain building. Asshole, disgusted with his bad fortune, drops something to the ground. He stoops to pick it up, thinks better of it, then turns ninety degrees, hops a fence and runs off. Robin walks to the spot where Asshole dropped something. He sees the charred remains of a package of papers, still smoldering pinkly. Strewn about the sidewalk nearby are about a dozen ten and twenty dollar bills.OLDER ROBIN It didn't take me long to figure out that my mom and dad were never going to get back together. Love doesn't forgive all -- nor should it. By then, though, I had other reasons to believe in magic...
(voice over)
Robin continues to walk down the street. Behind him, a couple of people poke their heads out the doors of storefronts.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) Okay. Today, you or I could provide a name for what happened. But to a six year-old boy, there was only one word for it: magic.
The people tentatively walk onto the street and start picking up the money.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) I don't live in that kind of neighbourhood any more. In fact, I have lived in dozen cities, and never again lived in that kind of neighbourhood.
EXT. BUS STOP -- DAY CLOSE UP of a newspaper being held up. Prominent headline reads: Sunshine causes cancer. SLOW ZOOM OUT.OLDER ROBIN (CONTINUING) But I still look for the magic. And sometimes, I'm lucky enough to find it...
Pause. Alex puts the newspaper aside. He is wearing a respectable suit and is no longer scruffy. Continue ZOOM.ALEX You know, the more I think about it, the more I think God must have been really, really confused when he made the universe. And if he didn't understand how all the pieces fit together, how are we supposed to?
(voice over)
Alex pulls out a wallet.ALEX (CONTINUING) Anyway, I really don't think about that stuff much any more. Too much thinking gets in the way of living -- Emily finally taught me that. She's got a lot of wisdom for somebody who isn't very bright. Bet you never thought I'd end up with her! I know I didn't think so...
Alex laughs easily, and puts the wallet away without taking out the picture.ALEX (CONTINUING) Wanna see our daughter? Skeye. She's got her mother's eyes and my ears. Nobody's perfect, even if she is perfect.
Alex picks some lint off his suit.ALEX (CONTINUING) Maybe some other time.
On either side of Alex sits a woman. They are wearing identical clothes, have the same hair and have the same general facial features, but one is 40 or 50 years older than the other. Alex looks at one, then the other, then back at the camera.ALEX (CONTINUING) What do you think of the suit? Mabel says I was born to wear them. Surprised? Now that I'm earning a paycheck, I can throw some money her way to help support Robin. That means she only has to work part-time, and go finish her degree the rest of the time. She'll graduate next summer. She was so happy, she begged me to spend more time with Robin. How could I refuse?
(winks) A happy ending all around -- do you fucking believe it?
Alex closes his eyes.ALEX (CONTINUING) This is not symbolic. I will not search for metaphorical meaning in this chance occurrence.
Alex opens his eyes and smiles.ALEX (CONTINUING) These women are not symbols -- they have their own lives. They don't mean anything.
Alex sneaks one last, worried look at the older woman. FADE TO BLACK: The end of A Guide for the Easily ConfusedALEX (CONTINUING) See. All better.
