Chapter 1
Leftovers

The Daily Me - Kristian Segerstråle

Thank you, Kristian Segerstråle, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Everybody these days seems to be talking about a "credit bubble." Well, we were taught when we were very young that credit isn't something that is just handed to you - it is something you have to earn. Churchill took credit for resisting the Nazis during the Blitz because he deserved it. If Arnold Lewton of 27 Cheshire Boulevard in Sussex had tried to take credit for resisting the Nazis during the Blitz, he would have been laughed out of his local pub and told to go home and sleep it off. Besides, what's so great about bubbles that anybody would want to take credit for them anyw - What? WHAT? WHAT! We're not Emily Litella? Oh.

Never mind.

Winning Streek

When an announcer says, "That was the Jesus and Mary Chain," and you think, "Did he mean the Hesus and Mary Hain?" - MARTIN STREEK LIVES!

When you're listening to the song "I Wanna Be Sedated" and you think, "Like I'm not!" - MARTIN STREEK LIVES!

When you're listening to the song "She Drives Me Crazy" and you think, "Hey, that's the Fine Young Buds of Cannabis - I mean..." - MARTIN STREEK LIVES!

Martin Streek didn't die - he just became distributed.

SOURCE: aye Weakly

[http://www.aye.net/]
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I Came And Terrored. I Saw And Terrored. I Terrored And Conquered.

I get it. The Republicans think that the President doesn't use the word "terror" enough. Twenty-six times in five speeches over three days? Not enough. I mean, consider how often the term was used in the past:

"To terror or not to terror. That is the question."

"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, terrors and sweat."

And, of course, "We have nothing to terror but terror itself."

SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor

[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Prime Time

10:30pm 11:35pm. NBC. The Jay Leno Show. In his opening monologue, Jay jokes about his prime time experiment and tells everybody he's glad to be back on late night TV where he belongs.

11:35pm 12:05am. NBC. The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. In his opening monologue, Conan jokes about Jay Leno's prime time experiment and insincerely tells everybody that he's glad Leno is back on late night TV.

12:35am 1:05am. NBC. Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. In his opening monologue, Jimmy, falling down drunk, complains about Jay Leno's failed prime time experiment and tells everybody Leno belongs in a zoo.

1:05am. NBC. Who Remembers? Who Cares? There was another talk show after this, but the host - whoever he was - will have to look for another venue to give his opening monologue.

SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide

[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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When Are They Coming For The Pundits Who Repeated It?

They came for the ones who said, "They came for the wealthy" because they had adapted a famous saying about powerlessness to promote the interests of the powerful, and I did nothing because they were morons.

SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills

[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Democracy If Necessary, But...

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has renewed his calls for an elected Senate. In doing so, he repeated his argument that the appointment of Senators by the ruling party was inherently undemocratic.

He made this statement from a bunker at an undisclosed location, having asked Governor General Michaelle Jean to prorogue Parliament by Twitter. This comes only four months after Harper asked the Governor General to prorogue Parliament on Facebook. That was only four months after Harper used email to ask the Governor General to prorogue Parliament. In fact, Parliament has only sat for three days over the last four years.

"This is, umm, bad. Probably," said Liberal leader (last time we checked) Michael Ignatieff. "I think. Yeah. Umm. Bad."

SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2010/01/11/509728.html]
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Politics As Unusual

Sarah Palin has resigned as President with 18 months still to go in her first term.

In an impromptu press conference, Palin stated: "I've never believed that I, nor anyone else, needs a title to do this - to make a difference...to HELP people. So I choose, for my country and my family, more 'freedom' to progress, all the way around... so that the United States may progress... I will not seek re-election as President...

"First things first: as President, I love my job and I love the United States. It hurts to make this choice but I am doing what's best for the country...

"But I have given my reasons...no more 'politics as usual,' and I am taking my fight for what's right - for the United States - in a new direction."

Vice President Glenn Beck will assume the duties of President. What direction he will take the country in is anybody's guess.

SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service

[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32762641314688310687fx]
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Was I...Supposed To Do...Something In This Space?

I was assigned to review this book. I'm pretty sure I read it. But, you know, I can't seem to remember anything about it...

SOURCE: Unread Book News

[http://217.204.42.51/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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And, The Gold For Macho Architectural Posturing Goes To...

Dubai's Burj Khalifa is now the tallest freestanding structure in the world, knocking the CN Tower into third place. But, take heart, Canada! Once Dubai goes into receivership, you can buy the Burj Khalifa and once again own the world's tallest free standing structure. And, the beauty part? You'll be able to buy it for far less than it would have cost you to build it!

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1098359790145]
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Smiling Buddha Microbus

Journalist (in some minimal sense of the term) Brit Hume is not backing down on his comparison of golfer Tiger Woods to a Volkswagen. "I was trying to promote a positive image of Christianity," he started to explain, not a hopeful sign.

"If Woods would just give up his Buddhism, which is as shabby as a broken down old VW that hasn't been washed in decades, he could have that new convert glow. You know, like a Volkswagen that's just been waxed."

The Dalai Lama, apprised of Hume's opinion, sadly shook his head and said, "The universe forgives him."

SOURCE: Unicycle

[http://www.unicycle.com/new.php?p=articles&id=476&but=allis1]
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