Chapter 1
Leftovers

The Daily Me - gwenael.flatres

Thank you, gwenael.flatres, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, to celebrate Valentine's Day, our partner gave us a sexually transmitted disease that we are too embarrassed to name. Top that, Hallmark!

Base Motives

Why Democrats are going to lose big in the 2010 mid-term elections:

REPUBLICANS: Barack Obama is a fire-breathing dragon who wants to pass health care reform so it will be legal for him and his kind to EAT! YOUR! CHILDREN!

DEMOCRATS: I have asked the military to look into the possibility of considering the implications of repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell, a task which they should complete and report back to me on in about one year.

Republicans really know how to energize the base!

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=677&dir=bb]
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In The 2010s, Some Anonymous Corporation Will Own Your Words

clickmaggot2012: In the 1990s, when you wrote something on the Internet you owned your words. In the 2000s, some anonymous identity owned your words. This is progress?

SOURCE: Farcebook

[http://www.farcebook.com/profile.php?v=feed&id=639559235#/note.php?note_id=67118766376&ref=mf]
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Do Not Talk To The Hand, Lest It Be That The Hand Is Talking To You

Sarah Palin was caught at the National Tea Party Convention with crib notes written on her hand. According to sources close to Palin, this is not unusual for her. For instance, when she goes shopping, she often writes on her hand:

When she has a romantic dinner out with husband Todd, she has to consult her hand to find:

And, of course, when she talks about President Obama, her hand tells her:

SOURCE: The Smoking Gut

[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-794637486482632723017cahs01.html]
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Not To Be Confused With The Whit Strips...Or The Hit Trip...Or...

The United States Air Force Reserve has denied that it used the White Stripes song "Fell in Love With a Girl" in a recruiting ad that played during the Super Bowl.

"The song - 'Tripped in Like With a Female' - was by a two-person band called the Hite Tripes," a statement issued by the USAFR claimed. "Any similarity or likeness to any other music is completely unintentional."

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2010/2010/02/09/hittrips/]
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MAINSTREAM MEDIA: Giving Khalid Shaikh Mohammed a civilian trial in New York City will give him a platform to spew anti-American propaganda.

Which propaganda is that?

MSM: Which prop - you know. The...the anti-American propaganda.

What is the substance of such anti-American propaganda?

MSM: Look, we're not going to play this game. If we say what his propaganda is, we'll be spreading anti-American propaganda!

Can you give me a hint?

MSM: It...it's propaganda. Against America.

You don't have a clue, do you?

MSM: Stop giving comfort to America's enemies!

SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler

[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Critics Kept At Bay

According to an article in Vanity Fair, the Hollywood personality who made the most money in 2009 was Transformers director Michael Bay.

There is no god.

SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database

[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0068140/]
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And, If You're A Republican, You Then Refuse To Resign

City councillor Adam Giambrone has dropped out of Toronto's mayoral race after evidence surfaced that he had had multiple relationships with women who were not his partner. This is probably for the best.

As any seasoned politician will tell you, you have to have your sex scandal after you've been elected to office.

SOURCE: aye Weakly

[http://www.aye.net/]
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You Have To Question Their Motives. Period.

Barack Obama's successful public meetings with Republicans and Democrats have made some wonder whether a regular time for asking the President questions would be worthwhile. A comparison with Canada, which already has a Question Period, might be instructive in this regard:

	Canada	United States
speech in form of question
respond to question with insult
drown out question with hoots and jeers
respond to question with non-sequitur
10 minute question that makes no sense
10 minute party promo that doesn't answer question

When looked at in this way, it is hard to see why the American government doesn't immediately institute its own Question Period.

SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour

[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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One Headline About Six Lists

Six lists about lists

1. Seven lists that need to get out more
2. Five lists you wouldn't want to take home to mother
3. Eighteen lists of topics you should avoid when creating lists
4. Three lists of topics that are approved for children under the age of six
5. Six lists of topics that are approved for children under the age of three
6. Six lists about lists

1. Seven lists that need to get out more...

SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists

[http://www.ListsPage.argh/2010/January/Mind_Is_Bent.asp]
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Sane People Can Only Look On And Marvel

Tea Party supporters are complaining about the way an anti-tax protest is portrayed in the latest issue of the comic book Captain America. They complained, for instance, that signs that read "Stop the socialists" and "Tea bag the Libs before they tea bag you!" do not represent the movement, even though those were taken verbatim from signs at Tea Bag rallies. They were offended that a black character felt uncomfortable walking among the Tea Baggers, even though a cursory glance at any photo taken at one of their rallies shows a sea of white faces. Angry white faces.

"I would like to apologize to members of the Tea Party movement," said Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada, "for portraying them accurately."

He added that Marvel is considering a new superhero: T Party. Able to focus his anger into a laser-like beam of light, T Party seeks out enemies of America wherever they happen to be, even if they aren't there.

SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/100212/geeklynews/12golcinda.htm]
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