Logo: The Aardvark Was Here

Les Pages aux Folles

Home New Archives Additional Fiction Non-fiction About Store
Les Pages aux Folles
My Toronto
Delicate Negotiations
Bookmark and Share

Chapter 5
March 28, 2010

Headline for the Beverly Hills!

Not Exactly "Dewey Wins!" But These Are Times Of Diminished Expectations

"Giambrone plans to remain in mayoral race" - Globe and Mail

Echoes Of Three Months Ago

"Canada set to join in major Afghan offensive" - Globe and Mail

Are You At All Familiar With The Concept Of"Self-fulfilling Prophecy?"

"Why is Obama failing?" - National Post

Let The Let Thes Begin

"Let legal games begin: drug-testing v. Charter" - Globe and Mail

"Let the distraction begin" - Globe and Mail

Oh! Cars Was What They Were Selling! I Thought - Never Mind What I Thought!

"European auto manufacturers bringing sexy back
Use of women at trade shows to promote cars is a fixture once again" - Toronto Star

Or, We Could Emphasize Business Not Cutting Jobs

"Canada's productivity TRAP
The harder we work, the less rich we seem to be. We need to emphasize education, innovation and trade to break free" - Globe and Mail

What A (Ray) Kroc!

"McDonald's announces Russian expansion plans" - Globe and Mail

"Russian economy shrinks almost 8 per cent in 2009" - Globe and Mail

Now, There's A Place McDonald's Could Really Grow Into

"Angola's economy forecast to grow 7.5 per cent in 2010" - Globe and Mail

Keep Your Husband Away From The Good Rug

"Solving the piddle riddle" - Toronto Star

So, When Israel Punishes An Entire Palestinian Population, Canada Is Guilty Of War Crimes?

"Attack on Israel is an attack on Canada, Kent says" - Globe and Mail

Because People Don't Kill People, Bar Codes Do

"Proposed prescription bar-code plan aims to save lives" - Globe and Mail

Canada Doesn't Want To Think About PM's "Hard Power"

"PM praises Canada's 'hard power'" - Toronto Star

Still Not Thinking About PM's "Hard Power"
La La La La La La La
You Can't Make Me
La La La La La La La La La La

"Harper may be iron-fisted. And so what if he is?" - Globe and Mail

Might I Suggest Soldiers Take Remedial Civics Classes?

"Coup leaders suspend Niger's constitution
Soldiers oust President in bloody attack, promise 'democracy and good governance'" - Globe and Mail

Because He's Not Young...Or Bald...

"Why is Pantalone being ignored?" - Toronto Star

Business, Public Tell Ottawa: You're The Ones Who Want The Olympics To Be A Political Prop...

"Ottawa wants business, public to fill funding gap for Own the Podium" - Globe and Mail

Let's Let The Headlines Fight Among Themselves As We Return To Our Lives

"Bravado puts too much pressure on athletes, ex-Olympians say" - Globe and Mail

"No pressure, no podiums
Outgoing COC boss Rudge defends ambitious performance goals placed on Canada's athletes" - Globe and Mail

"Forget the Podium, Canada owns the Games" - Globe and Mail

Cabinet Needs A Good Laugh

"Ottawa promises to consult on retirement issues" - Toronto Star

If It Had Been A Depression, They Would Have Risen 25 Per Cent

"Wall Street bonuses rise 17 per cent" - Globe and Mail

You Know A War Is In Trouble When Even The Headlines Get Snarky

"Afghan civilians killed, NATO apologizes again" - Toronto Star

Boy, Are They Talking To The Wrong Politician!

"Harper's G20 urged to tackle secrecy" - Globe and Mail

Our Accountants Can Skate Around Figures With The Best Of Them!

"Let's face it, we're a figure skating nation" - Globe and Mail

Boy, Are They Expecting The Wrong Police Force!

"Protestors set to make their points peacefully
Poverty, women's health top agenda for activists before G8, G20 summits" - Toronto Star

Gabon's? Because, In Case You Hadn't Noticed, All The Polish In The World Hasn't Helped Canada's Lately

"The dictator, his daughter, and million in cash
Allegation that Canadian helped Gabon's leader side-step anti-corruption laws could tarnish country's reputation" - Globe and Mail

So, Obviously, They Must Stop Doing It

"Stimulus spending is working, Tories boast" - Toronto Star

That's How Many Circles Now?

"Afghan mission turning a corner, Petraeus says" - Globe and Mail

That's What The New Telecom Ownership Rules Are For

"AMAZON IN CANADA
No threat to cultural sovereignty" - Globe and Mail

Economist Disses Government Approach
Prime Minister Considering Excommunication

"Cutting federal spending is a lot harder than it sounds
Trimming across the board the 'cowards approach': economist" - National Post

It's A Golden-throated Rhino Warbler

"Security fee not a tax: Ottawa" - Globe and Mail

| Share this!

Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys in the Archive Section, as well as three new Alternate Reality News Stories every third week in the New Section. They are clearly marked [ARNS] for easy identification. And, please feel to browse through the other writing, cartoons and miscellaneous oddments - you never know what you might enjoy!

You may already be a winner? Well, actually...

It is with great pleasure that I can announce that I have taken first prize in the Swift Satire Writing Competition. This was for a poem called "Love Amid the Construction. The official announcement can be found here. Details of the contest, including, at some point soon, my winning entry, can be found here. What can I say?

WHOOT WHOOT WHOOT!

Do Not Adjust Your Eyes

The Weight of Information: Episode One: The Realities Leak is now available on YouTube! This pilot for a radio series is based on stories out of the two Alternate Reality News Service Books, Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys (or, as one online used bookstore has it, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children - don't ask). Click on this link to listen to Part One and this link to listen to Part Two. Interdimensional travel has never been so...multidimensional!

You May Already Be A Winner Redux

The Alternate Reality News Service, in conjunction with the Grasping for the Wind Web site, is running a contest! The readers who submit the best questions to either of the Alternate Reality News Service columns (which, regular readers will remember, are Ask Amritsar and Ask the Tech Answer Guy) will win free autographed copies of What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys (or, as one online discount bookseller has it listed, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children - don't ask). Click on the link for the rules. Enter now, enter often!

Ira Speaks!

Sal Monaco, the Oracle of Enlightenment who now does interviews at Think Twice Radio, conducted an interview with me at Polaris 24. Don't think twice: go to Sal Monaco's Think Twice Radio Web page and give it a listen!

The Alternate Reality News Service Grows Up

Have you ever wanted to know what goes on behind the scenes at the Alternate Reality News Service? Of course you didn't! But, now that the question has been raised, it sounds intriguing, no? Okay, probably not. Still, here's the thing: there is now a Facebook group called The Alternate Reality News Service Cafe. If you go there, you will automatically receive a tri-weekly newsletter full of exclusive information. It is also a place where you can contribute to the Alternate Reality News Service and even, perhaps, work your way up the ARNS ladder until you are given a journalistic beat all for yourself. Doesn't that sound exciting?

Don't answer that.

Would you be interested in immortality?

As you may have noticed, there is a weekly feature on Les Pages aux Folles called The Daily Me. Each article in this feature is a collection of bits and pieces of interest to a different person. I probably won't be shocking any of my readers when I say that, to date, I have made the persons up. (If you are shocked, I hear the Girls With Eyepatches site is nice this time of year...) Well, a future Daily Me could feature...you!

Simply send me an email with your name and the names of three or four publications you regularly read and three or four issues/subjects in which you have an interest. Then, let me digest them and, two or three weeks later, The Daily Me could be The Daily You! Your name will appear in my writing...forever! No complicated creams! No messy cryogenic devices! Immortality has never been easier! What are you waiting for?