Chapter 9
April 25, 2010

The Conservative Economic Strategy Algorithm

1) Is the economy doing well?

YES 2) Does your party currently form the government?

YES 3) Cut taxes.

NO 4) Demand that the government cut taxes.

NO 5) Does your party currently form the government?

YES Explain that tax cuts are necessary to get the economy moving again and GO TO 3.

NO Argue that tax cuts are necessary to get the economy moving again, and that if the current government does not enact them immediately, the economy will collapse before you have the chance to right things after the next election. Then, GO TO 4.

6) Is the budget doing well?

YES 7) Does your party currently form the government?

YES 8) Cut taxes.

NO 9) Demand that the government cut taxes.

NO 10) Does your party currently form the government?

YES Argue that cuts in taxes will spur investment and consumer spending, which will result in greater government revenue in the long run, then GO TO 8.

NO Argue that if the government does not increase revenue by cutting taxes it will have to cut programmes, then GO TO 9.

11) Is the government heeding your demand by cutting taxes?

YES 12) Accuse it of not cutting taxes fast enough and demand new cuts.

NO 13) Which would be better for your constituents at this time: cuts to corporate taxes or cuts to personal income taxes?

CORPORATE 14) Accuse the government of being anti-business, scold it with a reminder that without business there would be no economy and demand that it cut corporate taxes immediately.

PERSONAL 15) Accuse the government of abandoning the country's citizens, scold it with a lecture about how individuals know better how to spend their money than governments do and demand that it cut income taxes immediately

16) Is government small enough to drown in a bathtub?

NO GO TO 1

YES 17) Drown government in a bathtub.

Notes

Conservative politicians get a bad rap. No matter what the fiscal issue, they are perceived as having only one solution: cutting taxes. Cutting Taxes. Cutting Taxes. Cutting More Taxes. Cutting taxes every six months or 10,000 kilometers. Cutting taxes at 2:00 4:00 6:00 and 8:00 pm. Cutting taxes just isn't that into you. Cttng txes 4 txtrs. Cutting taxes with a double half-gainer back-flip. That's all some people seem to think right-wing economic policies are made of.

If the stereotype were true, you wouldn't want to live with these people. Honey, put on your galoshes - you wouldn't want to get sick because your tax cuts got wet! Did you take the tax cuts in to the mechanic to get that squeaking sound fixed? Finish the tax cuts on your plate or you won't get any dessert! - did you know that there are children in Africa who don't get any tax cuts at all! Not tonight...I have a tax cut.

As the Conservative Economic Strategy Algorithm shows, this is something of a caricature. In fact, the right-wing position on economic matters is quite nuanced: sometimes, tax cuts are the perfect solution to an economic problem, sometimes they are merely the least worst of a series of imperfect solutions to an economic problem.

You should not assume from this that conservatives believe in potholes. Yes, it is true that, in accordance with the time-honoured tradition of NOMBSY (Not On My Balance Sheet, Y'all!), the federal government often cuts transfers to municipal governments to pay for cuts in federal taxes. This often leads to cuts in things you might actually use (like roads) rather than cuts in things you probably didn't even know existed (like federal commissions to study interdepartmental communications protocols). But, it just happens - nobody is ultimately responsible for being a pain in your axle.

As with previous attempts to understand political activity, the Conservative Economic Strategy Algorithm is an extrapolation from empirical evidence. It merely shows what is, not what should be, and it does not take a position on the moral value of the behaviours it describes.

In addition, the Conservative Economic Strategy Algorithm has not been endorsed by any right-wing political party, pundit or other person of interest. Many of them have winked in our direction, however, suggesting that we are on the right track.

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