February 5, 2017
Forsooth Seems Inadequate to Describe Quotes These Days
We're At Sixsooth or Sevensooth at the Least!
Donald Trump's Inauguration Speech
We're Going To Add Getting Rid Of Your Health Insurance And The Social Safety Net To The Mix
"For too long, a small group in our nation's capital has reaped the rewards of government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered, but the jobs left and the factories closed. That all changes starting right here and right now."
Great Americans Like...Umm...You Know, That Guy...Who Did That Great American Thing...
"The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer."
Wait Until You See The *NEW* And *IMPROVED* Carnage!
"This American carnage stops right now."
The Koch Brothers Frowned And Thought, Steady On, Old Friend. That Horizon You're Talking About Is Our Pocket!
"We've made other countries rich while the wealth, strength and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon."
Orwell's Probably Kicking Himself That He Didn't Think Of That One!
"Protection will lead to great prosperity and strength."
And, In Other Trump News...
Today's Lesson On White House Rocks: The Difference Between "My" And "Your"
"Our taxes are too high. Our wages are too high. We have to compete with other countries."
- Donald Trump
Unfortunately, The Electoral College Ensured That The Candidate Who Championed That Issue Won't Take Office
"The American people voted decisively for a better future for health care in this country..."
- Vice President Mike Pence
The Absurd Ironyometer Needs To Up The Dosage On Its Anti-anxiety Medications
"The professional political left is attempting to foment a permanent opposition that is corrosive to our constitutional democracy. The left is trying to delegitimize his election... They're trying to deny him what he just earned."
- Donald Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway
Somebody's Been Cribbing From Kellyanne Conway
There May Not Be Enough Anti-anxiety Medication In The World To Help The Absurd Ironyometer Get Past This!
Democrats under a Trump presidency will become "obstructionists at a level we've never seen."
- Ted Cruz
This Is A First For The Right: False Unequivalence
"I'm not on Obamacare. My health insurance is through the ACA (Affordable Care Act), which was what they had to come up with after Obamacare crashed and burned as bad as it did. So I'm gonna be fine."
- Donald Trump supporter
The American People Would Find It Even More Impressive If His Opinions Conformed In Some Small Way To Reality
"He's entitled to express his opinion on that. I think the American people find it very refreshing that they have a president who will tell them what's on his mind."
- Vice President Mike Pence explains why it's okay for Donald Trump to say that millions of votes for Hillary Clinton were fraudulent even though there is no evidence to back the claim up
Way Ahead Of You, Amanda
"President Trump is going to make punk rock great again. We're all going to crawl down staircases into basements and speakeasies and make amazing satirically political art."
- Amanda Palmer
And, If They Don't, I'm Going To Keep All The Cookies For Myself, And There's Nothing They Can Do To Stop Me - Nyah, Nyah, Boogerfaces
"All of these little procedural complaints are related to their frustration in not only having lost the White House, but having lost the Senate. I understand that, but we need to sort of grow up here and get past that."
- Mitch McConnell
How Many Lies Can You Find In This One Short Quote?
(HINT: It's More Than One Per Cent Of The Assertions...)
"These fact-checkers, they'll check facts with me, and I'm, like, 99 per cent right, and they'll say, 'And therefore he lied...' Oh, boy, these people are bad. What a group of people we have. What a group of dishonest scum we have, I'm telling you."
- Donald Trump
Given The Bloodthirsty Nature Of His Followers, This Will Be More Like Altamont
"This is not Woodstock. It's not Summer Jam. It's not a concert. It's not about celebrities. As Donald Trump tweeted himself, it's about the people."
- Trump adviser Boris Epshteyn on the lack of big name musicians at the President's inauguration
By Creating A New Office For You To Remain In Control Of The Country?
Now, That Was Dignified!
"They [Democrats] are losing on all fronts and looking elsewhere for things to blame. In my view this, how shall I say it, degrades their own dignity. You have to know how to lose with dignity."
- Russian President Vlad Putin
Burning The American Dream, On The Other Hand, Will Get You High Public Office
"Nobody should be allowed to burn the American flag - if they do, there must be consequences - perhaps loss of citizenship or year in jail!"
- Donald Trump tweet
They Can Suppress Votes, But They Cannot Suppress Their Grins
"African American Early Voting is down 8.5% from this time in 2012. As a share of Early Voters, African Americans are down 6.0%."
- North Carolina Republican Party press release
Let's Not Forget That There's A Whole Big World Outside Of Washington, Okay?
Article 45, Asshat. Article Freaking! 45!
You Want A Myth? How About An Honest Brexit Supporter?
"Everyone now has in his head that every human being has a fundamental, god-given right to go and move wherever he wants. But it is not. It was never a founding principal of the European Union. It's a complete myth. A total myth."
- Boris Johnson
Donald Trump Looking For Ways To Make Him Women's Equality Secretary
"In this modern era, the more naked a woman is, the more fashionable people say she is... If there's petrol and a fire comes along, then the fire will light. If sugar has fallen, then ants will surely come. People will get angry with me for this, but it's fine because it is true."
- Abu Azmi, an Indian Samajwadi Party official, blaming Western-style clothing for assaults on women
"Now, Can Somebody Please Explain To Me HOW They Are Made?"
"I know how many babies will be made by this."
- Nick Jonas on the 50 Shades of Darker soundtrack
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What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys
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Would you be interested in immortality?
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