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Chapter 31
August 27, 2017

The Daily Me - bartholomeus ingmar

Thank you, bartholomeus ingmar, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, there was great gnashing of teeth and rending of garments when StatsCan reported an increase in the number of anglophones in Quebec. And, shaking of fists. Many fists were shaken. Some before the garment rending, some after. In this instance, timing is irrelevant. When StatsCan revealed that the numbers had been skewed by a mistake in how the information was collected online, that the number of anglophones in Quebec had actually declined, were teeth and garments safe? Of course not. StatsCan was denounced as a corrupt and incompetent institution whose sole purpose was to destroy the French Fact in Canada.

It's a pur laine thing - you wouldn't understand.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

In That Case, You Wouldn't Be Pulling So Much As Daintily Extracting

The seed for Steve Bannon's departure from the White House may have been planted a couple of months ago, when a Time cover story described him as "Trump's tushie." This article reportedly caused a rift between the President and his Chief Advisor.

"I pull facts out of my own ass," multiple White House sources claim Trump fumed after the article came out. "Pulling facts out of anybody else's ass is gross. Pulling facts out of Steve's ass? I'll be honest - I gotta take a shower just thinking about it!"

SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer

[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1309219800834460.xml]
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Nigel Farage Always Cracks Me Up
I Hope Armando Iannucci Is Paying Attention

The British government has produced the first of what it hopes is a series of "future partnership papers" outlining how it would like its exit from the European Union to proceed. The options explored in the paper are "a highly streamlined customs arrangement" that would borrow from existing systems, or a new customs partnership that would be similar to what the EU requires from the rest of the world.

When he stopped laughing, Guy Verhofstadt, a major European Union Brexit negotiator, said, "It's good to see that Britain plans on making up the money it will lose when it is out of the Union by exporting comedy."

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213x]
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Do You Think A Lot Of Racists Don't Want To Think Of Themselves As Racists, Or Do They Just Not Want US To Think Of Them As Racists?

After Charlottesville, many far along the spectrum to the right were shocked to discover that people who espoused violent views could actually be, you know, violent. Politicians and pundits who, mere days before, were partying with people on the so-called Alt Right, taking selfies with them to share on Facebook and Instagram, couldn't take down those images fast enough.

Not Rebel Media correspondent Faith Goldy, Satan bless her. She stood her ground and defended her beliefs. For which she was fired by the company; even Ezra Levant's fire breathing poodle reconsidered its love for the Alt Right when the movement graduated to terrorist murder. Still. She can take her ideological purity with her when she applies for one of the suddenly available positions at Breitbart.

It's true that understanding how matches and lighters work doesn't make you an arsonist. Standing next to somebody who is pouring gasoline in an empty house, however, and gushingly reporting on his way with matches (as if he was a teen idol and you were a 13 year-old who had a mad crush on him), makes you, if not an arsonist yourself, certainly an arsonist enabler. And possibly an accomplice.

Oh, and what you call "white guilt," most people would call "a conscience." I assume your conscience was strangled at birth, as is the custom with your people.

You have fun playing footsie with neo-Nazis, Faith. I'll be busy planning an escape route to Israel.

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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I Would Pay Good Money To See Kal Pen As A Street Mime

All of the members of the President's Committee on the Arts and Humanities have resigned to protest Donald Trump's seeming support for racist organizations. The announcement would have been made sooner, but the committee was split on whether to submit a letter outlining the reasons for the mass resignations or create an installation piece or stage performance art. Some committee members argued that print was dead, and that to resign via a letter would ensure that nobody would know that it had happened. Other committee members argued that getting an NEA grant to develop the installation or performance piece would take so long that by the time it was actually created, nobody would remember - or care - what it was about. As a compromise, the members of the Committee agreed to send a letter of resignation immediately, and to work on several different art pieces - from short abstract films to street mime performances - to dramatize the members' disgust at the President's behaviour.

SOURCE: Art Splorts

[http://www.artsplorts.com/diary/id=9372]
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Really? Blocked And Bloated Seems More Appropriate...

"U.S. 'locked and loaded,' Trump warns N. Korea" - Toronto Star

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1476023774]
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Funny, For Me, It's The CLARITY On Ethnic Stereotypes That Makes White Supremacists Look Bad

Switzerland's tourism office decried an "unfortunate incident" in which a small Alpine hotel posted a sign asking "Jewish guests" to shower before swimming in the hotel pool. As they should have. This was outrageous.

Everybody knows that blacks are the ones who need to be cautioned about personal hygiene. Jews should be warned not to try to negotiate a lower room rate, and that it isn't very nice never to give anybody a tip.

This confusion over ethnic stereotypes makes white supremacists look bad. We can only hope that the situation will be immediately rectified.

SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders

[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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What Happens When The Line In The Sand Is All In Your Head?

In a press availability on the White House lawn that was supposed to be about infrastructure, President Trump threatened the United States economy if it didn't start producing jobs faster.

"Make no mistake about it," the President shouted, "if the economy doesn't get serious about creating new jobs for hard working Americans, there will be fire, people. White hot fire. The burning kind. And, there will be fury. Terrible, terrible fury. Can't have fire without fury. Everybody knows that. So, economy, what's it gonna be?"

The economy was strangely silent on the subject.

SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal

[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413387491118404,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.

Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +