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Chapter 34
September 17, 2017

A Headline a Day Keeps the Wolves at Bay

But, I Thought You Believed Business Should Play To Its Strength

"Business can no longer ignore sustainable development" - Globe and Mail

Cut It Up And Use The Pieces To Make Jewellery

"How to get the most out of your credit card" - Toronto Star

We Just Tell Them They're Ugly Until They Are Motivated To Mutilate Themselves
It's Much More Plausibly Deniable That Way

"Canadian values? We don't mutilate women" - Toronto Sun

Hmm...White. Definitely White. Almost Undoubtedly Male. Almost Undoubtedly Not A Sewage Worker...
You Can Tell A Lot About A Person from Their Headline

"THE LADDER
'Hard work is fun. That might sound nerdy, but that's what I love'" - Globe and Mail

Please Don't Lend Credence To The Term By Using It Outside Of Its Context -
Parenthood Should Not Be Referred To In The Entertainment Section!

"Beyonce's parenthood photos are fake news" - Toronto Star

For One Thing, Donald Trump Is Starting To Make A Lot More Sense

"Guelph's post-Mercury blues: How a city is coping without its local newspaper" - Globe and Mail

Citizens Advised To Only Take The Safe Heroin

"Cops warn of deadly heroin" - Toronto Sun

Deadly Pollution Levels A Great Punk Rock Band Name

"'Safe' pollution levels can be deadly" - Globe and Mail

Really? Nostrand Kitty von Muffinhead Would Disagree

"Walking cats on leash easier than you think" - Toronto Star

I'm Surprised Your Computer Allowed You To Write That

"Time to push back against the digital monopolists" - Globe and Mail

And You Thought Your Last Relationship Breakup Was Bad!

"A bad Brexit could damage U.K. Businesses" - Toronto Star

It's Not A Contradiction Because...Because...Because...Justin Trudeau Was Mean To Patrick Brazeau!

"Our governments drown us in debt" - Toronto Sun

"Study: Debt warnings inflated" - Toronto Sun

Wants To Commit, But Fame Insists On Seeing Other People

"Pakistani pop star has an uneasy relationship with fame" - Toronto Star

The Best Part? Hardly Any Of Them Can Be Used For Mutilation!

"Celebrating the 150 brands that make us authentically Canadian" - Globe and Mail

If Only Actual People Actually In The Industry Didn't Screw It Up!

"Financial services should be an essential force for good" - Globe and Mail

Product's Name A Little SkySquirrely

"Wine and tech through the grapevine
Dubbed the 'Google Earth for vineyards,' SkySquirrel helps growers scout crops" - Toronto Star

I Would Have Fired Margaret Wente After The Second Plagiarism Case
What Do You Think?

"Are you smarter than a Globe and Mail editor? - Globe and Mail

Ontario Premier Clearly Looking Forward To Writing Her Memoirs

"Wynne not fazed by low popularity
Liberals want voters to focus on policy, not personalities, ahead of June election" - Toronto Star

"It's Soooooooooo Much Eclipsier In A Beemer!"

"Auto theft suspect hoped to watch eclipse" - Toronto Sun

TOO MANY BAD IMAGES! MAKE IT STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GORD, SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!

"Foreign traders are loving the loonie, but how long can it run without its legs?" - Globe and Mail

Was Hoping Beloved Would Forget What He Looked Like In Those Brief Few Moments

"Popped the question during eclipse" - Toronto Sun

It's Willing To Punch Nazis In The Face?

"HSBC getting aggressive in Canada" - Toronto Star

In The End, I Guess Everybody Will Be Freezing In The Dark

"Informed citizens are key to Canada's energy future" - Globe and Mail

The First 1,000 Cuts Are The Deepest

"Luggage maker cuts jobs at Ontario plant" - Globe and Mail

"Nike slashes workforce in bid to regain edge" - Toronto Star

"Lumber layoffs
Quebec workers among first to feel the pain" - Toronto Sun

"Resolute expects job cuts
Lumber company is facing two duty disputes in the U.S." - Toronto Star

"Kit and Ace facing cuts, closures" - Toronto Star

"Coca-Cola to cut jobs, boost savings target" - Globe and Mail

"Heroux-Devtek to cut staff" - Globe and Mail

"Boeing plans further job cuts, report says" - Globe and Mail

"Bell Media announces nationwide layoffs" - Toronto Star

"Facebook fires 10 sales reps in Toronto" - Toronto Star

"Philadelphia tax prompts Pepsi to cut 80 to 100 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Macy's to cut 100 jobs in restructuring" - Globe and Mail

"Fitbit to cut workforce after missing forecasts
Firm slashing 110 positions as shares hit all-time low amid declining demand" - Toronto Star

"Ford lays off 130 at Ohio plant it touted to deflect Trump" - Globe and Mail

"Alberta municipality cuts 168 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Hundreds to lose jobs as Siemens closes plant
Total closure to come in 2018, but 206 out of 340 staff out of work immediately" - Toronto Star

"Newfoundland to cut jobs of 287 bureaucrats" - Globe and Mail

"Laurentian Bank to cut 300 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Royal Bank cuts about 450 jobs in bid to keep up with new tech" - Toronto Star

"Union blasts NAFTA after GM announces Canadian layoffs
Company to eliminate 625 jobs at Ingersoll plant and move work to Mexico" - Toronto Star

"RBS to cut about 900 tech jobs by 2020" - Globe and Mail

"Kellogg closes 40 distribution centres, lays off 1,000 workers" - Toronto Star

"Enbridge is cutting 1,000 jobs
Layoffs due to overlaps after takeover of Spectra Energy" - Toronto Star

"Microsoft to cut 'thousands' of jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Ford to cut 1,400 salaried workers" - Toronto Star

"CGI to cut 1,600 jobs, reshape work force as Web dominates" - Globe and Mail

"HBC to cut 2,000 jobs as losses mount" - Globe and Mail

"Bombardier confirms it will cut up to 2,200 German jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Sweden's Ericsson may cut 25,000 jobs" - Globe and Mail

Sure, If Either Side Actually Wanted Peace
But, If That Were The Case, An Honest Broker Wouldn't Be Necessary, Would It?

"Could Canada play an honest broker role with N. Korea?" - Globe and Mail

Because Appeasement Has Worked So Well For American Republicans?

"Tories don't want to alienate Ford" - Toronto Star

What Was It The Rolling Stones Sang About Arbitrary Deadlines?

"Trump says both he and Trudeau want NAFTA deal by year's end" - Toronto Star

Only The Living Ones...

"Not all indigenous peoples oppose pipeline development" - Globe and Mail

For One Thing, They Know Which Studies About Them To Ignore...

"Smarter kids may live longer: study" - Globe and Mail

Shortages Caused By Too Many Viewings Of Last Tango In Paris?

"Europe's spreading butter crisis" - Toronto Star

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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, +

Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.

Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +