September 24, 2017
Okay, So We Got Your Quote Wrong.
But, On The Bright Side, We Misspelled Your Name, Too!
Everybody Else (Because I Couldn't Resist Starting With Bill Cosby)
Remember When Drugging Women's Drinks And Having Sex With Them When They Were Semi-conscious Was Seen As The Innocent Fun That It Was?
"People need to be educated on a brush against the shoulder. Anything at this point can be considered sexual assault."
- Bill Cosby lawyer Ebonee M. Benson
I Can't Choose Between "Yuh Think?" And "Well, Duh!"
Which Sounds More Financially Sober?
"The study of restatements by Canadian public companies strongly suggests that company managements are not sufficiently objective in evaluating their own internal controls."
- conclusion of a study of financial corporate restatements by Robert Pozen and Olga Usvyatsky
You Know, Jimmy, If You're Really That Jealous Of A Younger Female Director, There Are Operations You Could Have...
"All of the self-congratulatory back-patting Hollywood's been doing over Wonder Woman has been so misguided. She's an objectified icon and it's just male Hollywood doing the same old thing."
- James Cameron
You And Superman's Pal Jimmy Cameron, Both
"I think the Hollywood aspect, we see this time and time again, it's cool to hate America these days."
- entertainment "journalist" Mike Gunzelman on the fact that Wonder Woman's costume did not contain the traditional stars and bars
Or, Perhaps The Populist Demagoguery Has Clouded YOUR Judgment
"Perhaps the fancy socks, private islands and magazine covers have clouded his judgment."
- Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, whose Liberal Party plans on closing tax loopholes for businesses
Would That Fount Be Jokerman Or Wingdings?
"The Room found an audience among underground cinephiles, L.A. Comedians and other amused (or perplexed) by its seeming improbability. At the centre of it all, the font from which all of the film's weirdness flows, is writer-director-producer-star-enigma Tommy Wiseau..."
- Globe and Mail
It's Donald Trump's World - We Just Rent Rooms In It
"You'll Filibuster Our Nominees When You Pry The Leadership Out Of My Cold, Dead Fingers!"
- Mitch McConnell, 2017
"No majority leader wants written on his tombstone that he presided over the end of the Senate. Breaking the rules to change the rules is un-American. I just hope the majority leader thinks about his legacy, the future of his party, and, most importantly, the future of our country before he acts."
- Mitch McConnell, 2013
What, Are You Six Months Old?
(And, If You Are, Congratulations On Your Command Of The English Language)
"He is the first president I feel in my lifetime that speaks his mind and speaks from the heart."
- Randy Hutson, Trump supporter
It Will Have To Struggle To Be Seen Against All Of The Other Stains On The President's Legacy
"Trump's pardon, issued without consulting with the Justice Department, raised a storm of protest over the weekend, including from some fellow Republicans, and threatens to become a stain on this president's legacy."
- Washington Post article on Donald Trump's pardon of convicted racist Joe Arpaio
But...Then He Would Just Be Evil Without Any Entertainment Value
"I don't think the presidency is ruined, but it is very much in question. He's got to quit shooting himself and us in the foot and the head."
- former member of the House of Representatives Zach Wamp
You Know What They Always Say, Vlad: You Don't Put A Ring On It
You Don't Get To Have A Fling On It!
"He is not my bride. Neither am I his bride or groom."
- Russian President Vladimir Putin explaining his relationship with American President Donald Trump
He Can Say "I Don't Know" and "I'll Get Back To You" In 37 Languages, And He Never Gets In The Way Of A Good Russian Intelligence Disinformation Campaign – I'd Hire Him In A Second!
"Melissa McCarthy's depiction of his brief briefing performances earned him a spot in Saturday Night Live lore. But it was his role as the architect of the Republican National Committee's PR strategy that earned him a reputation as one of the party's most effective...communicators."
- former Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer's bio for worldwide Speaker's Group
I Only Mean The Best For American Workers, Jobs Komissar, You Must Believe Me!
"This is absolutely not about taking jobs out of the United States. This is about growing our business in Asia."
- Harley-Davidson Managing Director Mark McAllister on building a new plant in Thailand
On The Record...
My son is a high quality person and I applaud his transparency."
- President Trump on Donald Trump, Jr.
Off The Record...
Donald Trump, Jr. just "wants to hunt, fish and run his family's real estate business"
- anonymous White House source
And, Then He'll Listen To Somebody Else And He'll Shift It Back
"What I've found from this president is: he will listen to arguments made, he will look at the ensemble of facts and proposals...he will be open to shifting his position."
- Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on President Donald Trump
"It's just that it has been such a disaster so far."
- Ann Coulter on the Trump presidency
It Keeps All The Journalists In One Place Where An Adult Can Keep An Eye On Them To Keep Them Out Of Trouble?
"The White House press secretary is getting to a point where he's just kind of useless. If he can't come out and answer the questions on camera or audio, why are we even having these briefings or these gaggles in the first place?"
- CNN journalist Jim Acosta
When You're President, You'll Understand...
"I had NPR on... She said, 'That's not fair! Why does Donald Trump get to do everything that he wants to do?'"
- Keri Russell on her five year old daughter Willa's reaction to reports on the President
Back On The Unemployment Line, You Mean?
"The alpha males are back."
- National Security Adviser Sebastian Gorka on the change from the Obama administration to the Trump administration
Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!
If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be,
What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys
, Luna for the Lunies!
, The Street Finds its Own Uses for Mutant Technologies
and The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots
in the Archive Section
, as well as a new Alternate Reality News story every week in the New Section
. They are clearly marked [ARNS] for easy identification. And, please feel to browse through the other writing, cartoons and miscellaneous oddments - you never know what you might enjoy!
Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes
I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes
. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.
Would you be interested in immortality?
The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about
technology and anything except
love and sex. It's a thing with him. Don't ask. ARNS is now soliciting questions for these advice columns from readers. That means you! If, after reading any of the columns, you are inspired to write a question of your own, please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org
! (Without the exclamation mark, because that would just be rude.) If your question is selected, your name and a link to your Web site will be posted on this Web site, which, at almost 14 years old, may not exactly be immortal, but is pretty darned long-lived. So, okay, maybe we oversold it a bit. But, what the heck? Have fun with it. We look forward to reading your questions!