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Chapter 43
November 19, 2017

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Deplorableness

Just Accept The Belief That Jesus Said Blessed Are The Gunmakers, And All Will Be Fiene

Remember when the prophet Isaiah admonished people to turn their ploughshares into assault rifles? Yeah, neither do I.

The Reverend Hans Fiene is a Lutheran pastor who was clearly reading from the Book of Smith. Or, was it the Book of Wesson? I must admit, I'm not as up on the Newest New Testament as I would need to be to be able to identify the chapter, verse and serial number of the weaponized Bible passage (assuming they hadn't been filed off to make the passage harder to trace).

I'm surprised Congressional Republicans haven't argued that passing stricter gun laws would interfere with god's plan for America. I will not be surprised when the National Rifle Association produces ads that argue that the Second Amendment is proof that America was founded as a Christian nation. I am never surprised by religious people who justify the suffering of others as part of god's design, especially when they have no intention of sharing in that particular part of god's plan.

You may be surprised to learn that, as unsubtle as it is, deplorable comes in many nuanced shades.

He's The King Of...Well...The Shadows In His Own Mind, If Nothing Else...

Every time Representative Steve King opens his mouth, he gives off a faint odour of shoe leather. You'd think somebody would advise him against reenacting scenes from The Gold Rush...or at least offer him a breath mint, but his fellow Republicans are a stingy bunch.

King was talking about Dreamers, people who were brought to the United States as young children and, whether their parents were there legally or not, have known no other home. They came to America to live in the shadows? Please! They came to America for a bubbie to suck on and a warm blankie!

Sometimes I think that politicians like King should be dropped into Albania or North Korea - they were born into the shadows, so why shouldn't they be given the opportunity to be transported into them? Unfortunately, my dream quickly turns sour when the King cohort takes over the country and starts deporting citizens to America.

Deplorable is nothing if not adaptable.

Maybe He Didn't Want To Cede The Low Ground To Texas Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Lawmakers Can Be Competitive That Way

Life or liberty - according to Polk County, Florida Sheriff Grady Judd, you can't have both (not having the opportunity to pursue happiness is, under the circumstances, a given).

It's at times like these that I regret the fact that the basket o' deplorables is temperature controlled, always a balmy 1,027 degrees (does it matter on which scale?). Although the occasional blowhard can create a stiff breeze (especially when in the throes of hypocritical sexual self-righteousness), there is no mechanism by which a hurricane can occur. Was this quote a despicable example of misplaced priorities? Absolutely. Was it a teachable moment? For deplorables, not so much.

If he was still alive, we could get Peter Sellers to star as Sheriff Judd in the movie version of the government's response to the hurricane. Could be good for a laugh. Lord knows, the reality wasn't.

In The Basket Of Deplorables, Nobody Can Hear Your Mind Boggle

Remember when Senator Lindsey Graham was supposed to be one of the good guy Republicans? Okay, you had to cherry pick his quotes carefully to come to that conclusion, but at least he had some non-deplorable cherries in his history.

Part of being deplorable must certainly be a complete lack of an irony bone. How many investigations did House Republicans hold on Hillary Clinton? 127? 356? Seven? It sure felt like it. Graham should watch some of the video of those dark, dark times - playback's a bitch, isn't it?

The Republicans will lose if they don't pass a tax cut bill? Seriously? Not because of the investigation into the Trump campaign's collusion to steal the 2016 election? Not because of the investigation into obstructing the investigation into the Trump campaign's collusion to steal the 2016 election? Not because of the failure to reform health care (although the GOP made a valiant effort to make it harder for millions of working Americans to get affordable insurance)? Not because the President picks fights with members of his own party, allied nations, the NFL and god?

Of course, Graham has also said that if tax cuts are not passed, "the financial contributions [from major donors] will stop." Would the Republicans be able to win an election without the hundreds of millions of dollars they get from their millionaire and billionaire supporters?

Do deplorables shit in the wooded part of the basket?

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