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Chapter 48
December 24, 2017

But, Puns We Love to Hate Loves You!

Time has come today for Puns We Love to Hate.
1. Cyndi Lauper didn't have to be an Egyptian ruler to be the Queen of She Bop...
2. William Shatner's line readings in his first TV series could be considered his Kirkadian rhythms...
3. The astronomer who didn't win the contest to name a star had to settle for a constellation prize...
4. When life gives you lemmings, make Lemmings Aid...
5. In Last Tango in Paris, sex was a bed and butter issue...
6. You could say that the person who likes pointing out life's incongruities has many ironies in the fire...
7. I don't like jellied meets, but I'm not going to aspic a fight over them...
8. I like ostentation, but I couldn't afford maintain it, so I had to give it up for opulent...
9. When journalists demanded the PM answer questions about pipelines outside Parliament, it was the scrum of the Earth...
10. Could the headphones that my father handed down to me be considered earlooms?
11. The dancer on trial for murder was given a reduced sentence because of a plie bargain...
12. You saw Massenet's opera about young love? I hope it was Werther it...
13. Don't think farmers like Asian tile games? You must have missed the film Mah and Pah Jong Kettle...
14. I wouldn't say the amateur bar performer was terrible, but she was singing way off karaoke...
15. Lights on the Star Trek set were so hot, Leonard Nimoy used to say, "Live long and perspire..."
16. When it came time to choose a mascot, the University of Arkansas figured, "Go pig or go home..."
17. When the actress completely paid off her credit cards, she could be called Burn-a-debt Peters...
18. It was awkward for the parents who took their children to see what they thought was called "The puppetry of the Peanuts..."
19. When the French want to celebrate unrequited love, they go to the Palace of Fair Sighs...
20. When the French want to celebrate their love for the full-figured, they go to the Palace of Fair Size...
21. When the French want to celebrate their love for American food, they go to the Palace of Fare Size...
22. The beginning of competition from the Internet signalled dark days for the Playboy raunchise...
23. Nobody expected WWIII to be started by an independent principality, but then somebody opened up Andorra's box...
24. I had to pay off my tab at the Italian restaurant: but it was pasta due date...
25. To allow him to attend the road race, the jailed felon was given a Daytona pass...
26. An ambulance chasing lawyer enjoys the low-hanging fruits of his labours...
27. I wasn't sure I wanted to cast a certain east Asian actor for the part, but better the Dev Patel you know...
28. Fortunately, Kirsten is smart enough that she doesn't have to wear a Dunst cap...
29. You should take the lot coffee server home you've urned it!
30. When he could keep the casts straight for his various films, Christopher Guessed...
31. I must admit that I'm not very good at being mean; you could say I'm a rancour amateur...

Puns We Love to Hate never said language was going to be easy!
1. You've created a kosher Web browser? Mozilla Tov!
2. I randomly blurt out facts about the tops of tanks I obviously have Turrets Syndrome...
3. I know I was supposed to be impressed with the fancy hotel room, but, honestly, it didn't suite me...
4. I could tell you what my favourite beer is, but I never kiss Amstel...
5. If you don't want to read an ancient Greek text online, you should get yourself an Iliad blocker...
6. You know you love westerns! Time to Fess Parker up!
7. The deal you have to make just to keep things the way they are is a status quid pro quo...
8. The farmer who couldn't keep track of which cows he had milked was in udder confusion...
9. When Bruce Lee died, were the funeral videos called Inter the Dragon?
10. A French child who doesn't get along with his mother is suffering from mal de mere...
11. The person who has a firm idea of what they want to pay for a set meal has a prix idee fixe...
12. If your novel made pears and peaches yawn, would you crow that your efforts as a writer bore fruit?
13. The tailor fed up with the fussy tuxedo customer shouted, "Suit yourself!"
14. Dumbo would have made a great psychiatrist: you could say that he was all ears!
15. The best way to share news about a female tennis great? Tell a Graf...
16. When former SNL star Kevin played female characters in sketches, he always wore Nealon stockings...
17. Does the landlord who only lets an apartments to a religious fundamentalist list it as "room for adherent...?"
18. Late with your social media updates? Better get them done Hootsuite!
19. I wasn't cut out to be a time cop. I could never stand chasing tempus fugitives...
20. The smaller mares' uteri are, the harder they foal...
21. Sleeping Beauty was a peasant under glass...
22. I tried in vain to use the unsharpened pencil; it was pointless...
23. I know you went barefoot before I did, but the eschew's on the other foot now...
24. I'm a big fan of Turkey's capital city: I'm always ready to give it an Ankara rah rah...
25. Actor William was embarrassed that he had farted, but to air is human, to forgive Devane...
26. I wasn't keen on tending my garden, but I had to take advantage of the implement weather...
27. Listening to the inmate swear gave me a big headache. You could say I had a con cussin'...
28. I didn't want a massage, but shiatsu happens...
29. I was never a fan of the show Family Matters, but I watched it, all other things being Urkel...
30. Plans for a sports stadium in the far north were domed as domed can be...
31. After the earthquake, the seismologist needed to find out who was at fault...

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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, +

Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.

Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +