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Chapter 55
February 11, 2018

Quotes Were Old Enough to Know Better, But Young Enough Not to Care


Do You Think White House Press Secretaries Are Born With A Disconnection Between Their Mouths And Their Brains, Or Do They Undergo Lobotomic Surgery When They Accept The Position?

"I think in one case specifically Senator Franken has admitted wrongdoing and the president hasn't. I think that's a very clear distinction." - White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders

"You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful - I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. I just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything." - Donald Trump not admitting doing anything wrong

Yes, Our Country Seems To Be Protected By Somebody Who Is Afraid Of Words – Is That A Problem?

"I remember specific cuss words being used by a variety of members." - Homeland Security Chief Kirstjen Nielsen trying her best to avoid admitting that President Trump used the term "shithole" to describe African nations in a meeting on immigration

Are You Sure They Didn't Offer A Kindergarten Option?

"I went to the best colleges for college." - President Trump tweetfending his intellect


Actually, That's The Actions Of 346 Individuals In 2017
The Actions Of 383 Individuals In 2016
The Actions Of 333 Individuals In 2015
The Actions Of 273 – Look, How Many Individual Incidents Have To Occur Before You're Willing To Admit It IS Who You Are?

"We cannot let the actions of a single individual define us as a country. This is not who we are." - Speaker of the House Paul Ryan on the mass shooting in Las Vegas

Funny – We Thought The Controversy Over The Anthem Was The Reason For The Honest Conversations We're Having About The (Curiously Unnamed By You) Issues

"We want to honour our flag and our country, and our fans expect that of us. We also care deeply about our players and respect their opinions and concerns about critical social issues. The controversy over the anthem is a barrier to having honest conversations and making real progress on the underlying issues. We need to move past this controversy, and we want to do that together with our players." - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell in a letter to the league's presidents and chief executives

Only If You Can Find The Sentence "Blessed Are The Child Molesters, For They Will Deliver Unto The White House The Needed Vote For Tax Evisceration." In Your Bible

"This is one of those excruciating decision moments for evangelicals." - Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, on whether or not devout Christians should throw their weight behind Roy Moore in the special election in Alabama given the allegations of sexual abuse that have been made public about him

There May Be A Joke Here About Too Many Blows To The Head
But That Would Just Be A Whole Nother Level Of Sad

"All of a sudden, it's become big deal, now, about oppression. There has been no oppression in the last 100 years that I know of. Now, maybe I'm not watching it as carefully as other people..." - former NFL coach Mike Ditka on US football protests

That's No Way To Talk About Millions Of Trump Supporters

Racism has been "reduced to a handful of deranged or sub-humanly stupid people." - Conrad Black

Aww! You're So Adorable I Just Want To...Avoid Reading Anything Else You Ever Write...

"Not to be too cute but I have racist relatives. I'd like to think they aren't ‘deplorable' humans." - Jesse Singal, New York magazine


What About The Male Politicians Who Never Seem To Be In Control?
"We Help Elect Them President," Putin Smirked

"There are certain natural cycles which men probably have as well, just less manifested. We are all human beings. It's normal. But, you should never lose control." - Russian President Vladimir Putin on why women make bad politicians

Obviously Not More Than Getting Your Jollies From Powerless Young Actresses

"I am profoundly devastated. I have lost my wife and kids, whom I love more than anything else." - disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein on the news that his wife has left him

The Leader Of The Party Of Brexit Speaks From Experience

"Loneliness is a sad reality of modern life." - British Prime Minister Theresa May

And, A Good Hng Hng Hg To You, Too!

"g hg hg hgh g" - cutline under a photo of former President George W. Bush in the Toronto Sun

You...Do Know He's From Another Country...Don't You?

"Because he will see who's really out of touch with mainstream America." - antiabortion activist Jeanne Mancini, who invited Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to the March for Life

Because The Programme Would Have To Take Into Account The Actions Of Those Pesky Irrational Humans?

"If human beings consistently fall prey to biases when investing, why not program a computer to invest for optimal results?" - R. B. Matthews and Doug McCutcheon

...If Other People Make Enough Of A Stink About It

"To suggest that indigenous Canadians are lazy compared to other Canadians is simply racist. ...Racism will not be tolerated in the Conservative caucus or Conservative Party of Canada." - Conservative leader Andrew Scheer explaining the ouster of Lynn Beyak from the Conservative Senate caucus

Don't Be Ridiculous, Harvey – What's One More Hurt Woman To You?

"I don't want her or the children hurt any more than they have been" - disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein on the news that his wife has left him

Maybe The Minister For Loneliness Won't Be Necessary After All!

"We here on the continent haven't had a change of heart. Our hearts are still open to you." - European Union Council President Donald Tusk arguing that Britain should reverse its stand on Brexit

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