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Chapter 56
February 18, 2018

Puns and Twitter Are a Match Made in Heavin'...

Puns we love to hate needs everybody to just calm the hell down!
1. The mathematician who couldn't solve the difficult problem shouted, "Please, lord, give me a sine!"
2. The well off man with the big feet lived a life of EEEE...
3. Is a punctuation mark that gets rowdy after having drunk a few beers a lager umlaut?
4. The awkward thick, sweet syrup made an utter molasses of itself...
5. Romantic space opera could be considered sigh fi...
6. Physical bookstores that only stock the works of Tolkien are made of bricks and Mordor...
7. When I die, I expect to hear the Police in the background. If not, I'll be asking, "Death, where is thy Sting?"
8. The seabird was in poor health; it took a tern for the worse...
9. I wasn't sure which flavour of chips I wanted: to start, I had to get the Frito Lays of the land...
10. You don't believe in hard-shelled, segmented creatures that existed over 520 million years? Trilobite me!
11. Rabid fans of the late Who drummer could be said to be over the Keith Moon...
12. Of course women with large chests can be funny! They have bodacious ha has...
13. Winter activities are my strong suit. I especially enjoy building a snow forte...
14. I wanted to say something about people who are unable to speak, but the point was probably mute...
15. I've never really been attracted to melancholy, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to try it on for sighs...
16. Aghast at the bar mitzvah dance, Colonel Kurtz muttered, "The hora..the hora..."
17. When the G-Man's credit card was declined, the cashier sang, "Try a little tender, Ness."
18. When Renee Fleming wanted something to cover her floor, she decided to go with an aria rug...
19. When the baseball players were trying to determine who ordered what food, they remembered that Thai goes to the runner...
20. Movie buffs like to keep things reel...
21. I know that when Walker, White and Grable are deceased, all Bettys will be off...
22. When the tall woman has to bend over to whisper agreement in someone's ear, she stoops to concur...
23. He was so wine illiterate, when I asked him to choose he had a vino blanc look on his face...
24. Humourous action star Jackie Chan is a master of Kung Foolery...
25. Those who didn't like the window display of hooded coats clearly had anoraks to grind...
26. You want to quench your thirst with a non-alcoholic beverage in a bar? For goodness' slakes!
27. Is the part of a Christian's brain that thinks dirty thoughts made up of sin apses?
28. The musician who couldn't convince the band to write a second single was B Side himself...
29. The German greeted the calorie lists on food with a cheerful, "Gluten tag..."
30. You could say that the roofer knew all about eaves...
31. I like all female comedians, Roseanne Barr none...

Puns We Love to Hate is proud to be a 150 year-old Canadian!
1. Gold is so affected, so delicate, no wonder it's considered a precious metal!
2. The stock market is like a certain brand of coffee: Good to the last drop...
3. Did Pagliacci's wedding cake feature the tiers of a clown?
4. The guy who wanted his meat well done but was served steak tartare got a raw deal...
5. The woman who wanted her nose reduced but got her ass lifted instead got a bum deal...
6. The lawyer who wanted to be a dancer was thrilled when she was called to the barre...
7. The mischievous miner couldn't wait for the end of his shift so he could get adit again...
8. The Godfather didn't like shades of brown, but the painter made him an ochre he couldn't refuse...
9. The tribute to the electricity pioneer could be considered an Ohmage...
10. When you really want to talk to somebody, but you don't know how to reach them, do you experience six degrees of desperation?
11. The popularity of Game of Thrones lies in its originality. You could say the series was sui Daenerys...
12. The landlord who refused to do anything about the insect infestation was an unscrupulouse...
13. The Zen master could not keep track of which of his students was enlightened, so he felt the need to ask, "Who's satori now?"
14. The shop that specialized in a single spice had a sign that warned customers: "All sales are fennel!"
15. When he leaned on his guests, you could say that interviewer Morgan used Piers pressure...
16. When the miner wasn't sure if the vein he was about tap contained gas or gold, he was faced with an ether/ore situation...
17. You think your race hatred won't negatively affect your life? Roll the prejudice and hope for the best!
18. Would a musical benefit concert for victims of nerve gas be called Sarin Aid?
19. The vehicle could only get talk radio it was torture. You could say the car had rack and opinion steering...
20. The woman with seven personalities argued with the man with only five: you could call it a clash of Cybilizations...
21. Good hygiene advice for amateur teen sleuths on TV: don't step in the Scooby dog Doo...
22. As their comedy went out of style, the British duo's popularity took a real Flanders and Swandive...
23. The only person to live through a trip to the sun is a Sol Survivor...
24. In my quest to experience all of the Madchester sound, I left no Stone Roses unturned...
25. You say I should use the latest technology to monitor my heart rate? Not on my watch!
26. The gun owner who believed in hoarding weapons and always having one on him advised others to cache and carry...
27. Considering how harsh his cartoons could be, you would have thought the satirist's name was Thomas Nasty...
28. The vet looked at the thrashing animal referred to as a weasel in the diaper and said, "Harsh, but ferret..."
29. If he isn't saved from the alien virus soon, the lead of The X-Files will be known as Fox Molder...
30. A Sherlock Holmes mystery about missing beachware: "A Sandal in Bohemia..."
31. When the storm slowly builds, you could say that you were experiencing increment weather...

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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, +

Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

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Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +