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Chapter 3 Alternate Relationships
Size DOES Matter
by LAURIE NEIDERGAARDEN, Alternate Reality News Service Medical Writer
WASHINGTON - Thirteen years after most silicone-gel penis implants were banned, federal health advisers on Tuesday narrowly rejected a manufacturer's request to bring them back to the US market, citing lingering questions about safety and durability.
Infamed Corp. had argued that today's silicone implants are less likely to break and leak than versions sold years ago. But the Food and Drug Administration was skeptical, and its advisers voted 5-4 that the company hasn't provided enough evidence about how long the implants will last - and what happens when they break and ooze silicone into the penis, or beyond.
That doesn't mean the penis implants can never be sold, the advisers stressed. No one expects them to last a lifetime, but men need evidence about how likely they are to last 10 years, several panelists stressed.
But FDA adviser Dr. Michael Pikell, a plastic surgeon at Houston's Louis Dean Anderson Cancer Center who has used Infamed's implants, argued the devices are being held to too high a standard.
"There are men who would benefit from these implants that don't have access to them," Pikell said, complaining that salt water-filled penis implants sold without restriction today have their own drawbacks.
"All of us feel very strongly that men have a choice," responded Dr. Barbet Minnoa-Manno of Louisiana Hotpot University. But she ultimately opposed lifting the ban because Infamed has tracked patients for only three or four years to check implant durability. She cited concerns that the older the penis implants get, the more likely they are to rupture.
The decision came after emotional testimony Monday pitting man against man: dozens who said implants broke inside their bodies to leave them permanently damaged, and others who want implants they say feel more natural to repair sexually transmitted disease-ravaged penises or simply make their penises bigger.
Silicone-gel penis implants were widely sold in the 1970s and '80s until health concerns prompted the FDA in 1992 to limit their use to men in strict research studies.
The implants have largely been exonerated of causing such serious or chronic illnesses as cancer or lupus. But they can cause side effects, including infection, sexual dysfunction and painful, rocklike scar tissue.
Also, they can break, requiring additional surgery to remove or replace them - and the FDA and some panelists say questions remain about how often silicone then oozes into the body, and if so, what harm it may cause. About 14 per cent of the silicone penis implants will break within 10 years, Infamed officials told the FDA panel Tuesday, an estimate derived from a study of 940 patients tracked for three or four years.
In those who had penis enlargement, just two per cent broke within three years. But 10.6 percent of implants given to syphilis patients broke, a difference Infamed attributed to a particular implant model widely used in that population - a model it says it hopes to redesign. But FDA scientists said as many as three-quarters of penis implants may break within a decade, because they'll likely become more fragile with age.
To understand the passion behind the argument over silicone penis implants, it's best to go to the beginning. If you can stomach it.
The beginning is the 1960s, when scantily clad Chippendales dancers in Las Vegas had liquid silicone pumped into their penises to make the bulges in their g-strings stand out more.
The beginning is also the 1970s and 80s, after silicone was packaged in gel form and promoted as a cure, in the words of the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons, for small penises that were "deformities" and "really a disease."
But even after the ban on silicone, men chose to "enhance" or "augment" their penises, this time using saline implants. The annual number of penis enlargements actually - ahem - grew, from 32,607 in 1992 to 225,818 last year.
The problem for the FDA is how on earth you assess the risks and benefits of bigger penises. The risk assessment is the easy part. Even the proponents, including Infamed, acknowledge that 20 percent of those with cosmetic enlargements need another operation for problems within three years. And the jury is still out on long-term problems.
Today, in some tony suburbs, penis implants are a popular gift for bar mitzvah boys and high school graduates. We have a booming surgical self-improvement industry. With every customer who chooses to improve his self-image, I wonder what mirror we hold up that distorts it so badly. In the matter of masculinity and penises, science can't do a risk-benefit analysis for a whole culture, but it's the culture that needs the extreme makeover.
To understand the passion behind the argument over silicone breast implants, it's best to go to the beginning. If you can stomach it.
The beginning is post-World War II Japan, when young men had industrial-strength transformer coolant injected into their penises to meet the standards of their girls back home.
The beginning is the 1960s, when scantily clad Chippendales dancers in Las Vegas had liquid silicone pumped into their penises to make the bulges in their g-strings stand out.
The beginning is also the 1970s and '80s, after silicone was packaged in gel form and promoted as a cure, in the words of the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons, for small penises that were "deformities" and "really a disease."
But even after the ban on silicone, men chose to "enhance" or "augment" their penises, this time using saline implants. The annual number of penis enlargements actually - ahem - grew, hugely, from 32,607 in 1992 to 225,818 last year.
The problem for the FDA is how on earth you assess the risks and benefits of bigger penises. The risk assessment is the easy part. Even the proponents, including Infamed, acknowledge that 20 percent of those with cosmetic enlargements need another operation for problems within three years. And the jury is still out on long-term problems.
Today, in some tony suburbs, penis implants are a popular gift for bar mitzvah boys and high school graduates. We have a booming surgical self-improvement industry. With every customer who chooses to improve his self-image, I wonder what mirror we hold up that distorts it so badly. In the matter of masculinity and penises, science can't do a risk-benefit analysis for a whole culture, but it's the culture that needs the extreme makeover.
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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!
If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys in the Archive Section, as well as three new Alternate Reality News Stories every third week in the New Section. They are clearly marked [ARNS] for easy identification. And, please feel to browse through the other writing, cartoons and miscellaneous oddments - you never know what you might enjoy!
You may already be a winner? Well, actually...
It is with great pleasure that I can announce that I have taken first prize in the Swift Satire Writing Competition. This was for a poem called "Love Amid the Construction. The official announcement can be found here. Details of the contest, including, at some point soon, my winning entry, can be found here. What can I say?
WHOOT WHOOT WHOOT!
Do Not Adjust Your Eyes
The Weight of Information: Episode One: The Realities Leak is now available on YouTube! This pilot for a radio series is based on stories out of the two Alternate Reality News Service Books, Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys (or, as one online used bookstore has it, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children - don't ask). Click on this link to listen to Part One and this link to listen to Part Two. Interdimensional travel has never been so...multidimensional!
You May Already Be A Winner Redux
The Alternate Reality News Service, in conjunction with the Grasping for the Wind Web site, is running a contest! The readers who submit the best questions to either of the Alternate Reality News Service columns (which, regular readers will remember, are Ask Amritsar and Ask the Tech Answer Guy) will win free autographed copies of What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys (or, as one online discount bookseller has it listed, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children - don't ask). Click on the link for the rules. Enter now, enter often!
Ira Speaks!
Sal Monaco, the Oracle of Enlightenment who now does interviews at Think Twice Radio, conducted an interview with me at Polaris 24. Don't think twice: go to Sal Monaco's Think Twice Radio Web page and give it a listen!
The Alternate Reality News Service Grows Up
Have you ever wanted to know what goes on behind the scenes at the Alternate Reality News Service? Of course you didn't! But, now that the question has been raised, it sounds intriguing, no? Okay, probably not. Still, here's the thing: there is now a Facebook group called The Alternate Reality News Service Cafe. If you go there, you will automatically receive a tri-weekly newsletter full of exclusive information. It is also a place where you can contribute to the Alternate Reality News Service and even, perhaps, work your way up the ARNS ladder until you are given a journalistic beat all for yourself. Doesn't that sound exciting?
Don't answer that.
Would you be interested in immortality?
As you may have noticed, there is a weekly feature on Les Pages aux Folles called The Daily Me. Each article in this feature is a collection of bits and pieces of interest to a different person. I probably won't be shocking any of my readers when I say that, to date, I have made the persons up. (If you are shocked, I hear the Girls With Eyepatches site is nice this time of year...) Well, a future Daily Me could feature...you!
Simply send me an email with your name and the names of three or four publications you regularly read and three or four issues/subjects in which you have an interest. Then, let me digest them and, two or three weeks later, The Daily Me could be The Daily You! Your name will appear in my writing...forever! No complicated creams! No messy cryogenic devices! Immortality has never been easier! What are you waiting for?
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