The Alternate Reality News Service’s Field Guide to Alien Species
The omniverse is a vast place, an infinity of infinities, with a wide variety of colourful life forms. Why, in the last week alone, Alternate Reality News Service reporters have encountered: a “smart” house that was nominated for a Nobel Prize for physics; a race of six foot tall mutant hamsters that powered a vast, peaceful galactic civilization by harnessing the exercise wheels in their sleeping quarters to batteries, and; a race of half donkey, half spider, all dictionary creatures that spun a web of terror across a dozen star systems.
And, then, there were the really strange life forms.
As part of their jobs, ARNS reporters are supposed to file detailed reports of all of the alien species they come across. These are kept in quantum computers built into the substrate of the omniverse (ARNS tech support rules!). Ordinarily, these files are not available to the public. However, in a bid to humanize our service after the Alpha Omega Interregnum Debacle, the Omicron Ceti Unpleasantness and the incredibly unfortunate Beta Oxbow Incident – as well as to stave off threatened government oversight – we have decided to make some of our files public.
What follows is a small selection of the types of life forms Alternate Reality News Service reporters have encountered in the past. They aren’t necessarily the most colourful life forms. They don’t necessarily have the most interesting histories. They certainly aren’t the prettiest. They’re the ones we deemed least likely to sue us if we revealed who they were.
Alternate Reality News Service staff
Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!
If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be,
What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys
, Luna for the Lunies!
, The Street Finds its Own Uses for Mutant Technologies
and The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots
in the Archive Section
, as well as a new Alternate Reality News story every week in the New Section
. They are clearly marked [ARNS] for easy identification. And, please feel to browse through the other writing, cartoons and miscellaneous oddments - you never know what you might enjoy!
Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes
I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes
. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.
Would you be interested in immortality?
The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about
technology and anything except
love and sex. It's a thing with him. Don't ask. ARNS is now soliciting questions for these advice columns from readers. That means you! If, after reading any of the columns, you are inspired to write a question of your own, please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org
! (Without the exclamation mark, because that would just be rude.) If your question is selected, your name and a link to your Web site will be posted on this Web site, which, at almost 14 years old, may not exactly be immortal, but is pretty darned long-lived. So, okay, maybe we oversold it a bit. But, what the heck? Have fun with it. We look forward to reading your questions!