Les Pages Aux Folles: New Columns
New Columns
March 8, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Bella D. Ball
2. What the Heck Do You Know About the Middle East Mess? [ARNS]
3. TwitterX Doesn't Care For the Tone of Your Voice!
4. The Program is Never Wrang [ARNS]
5. If You Have Nothing Meaningful To Say, Say It On TwitterX
6. When Hype Disappears Into Hyperspace, You've Experienced The Ultimate Grift [ARNS]
March 1, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Levon Cigar Stubbs
2. The Program is Never Wring [ARNS]
3. Why Twerk When You Can Twit?
4. Frequently Unasked Questions About the $10 Billion Question [ARNS]
5. Quotes Still Want to Win A Nobel Peace Prize, They Just Don't Know Why Any More
6. Comfort Food Nation [ARNS]
February 22, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Aaron "Mac" Aroni
2. Profiles in Fascism: The ICES Queen [ARNS]
3. Hark, The Bitter Angels Sing!
4. The Song Remains the Pain [ARNS]
5. Elon Musk Would Like to Sue
Wouldn't You?
6. Frequently Unasked Questions About Storage Space, The Final Frontier [ARNS]
February 15, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Edward "Underpants" Falloudjian
2. Thank You For Your Detention To This Matter [ARNS]
3. Social Media? Please! Fascist Funhouse, More Like!
4. The McDruhitmumpf Administration's Press Relations Algorithm [ARNS]
5. I Remember When Social Media Really Was Social
No, It's Only 5:30, Grandchild - It's Not Time For Me to Go to Bed!
6. Dealing With a Four Alarm Diaper Fire [ARNS]
February 8, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Unhealthy Planet, Inc.
2. Memo to the Department of Injustice [ARNS]
3. TwitterX, Oh, TwitterX
Why Are You So Bitter?
4. Ask Amritsar About the Distance Between Us [ARNS]
5. Why Should TwitterX Care About Your Feelings? It's Not Like You Care About Its Revenues!
6. Profiles in Fascism: Fight and Flight [ARNS]
February 1, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Iphigenia Watermark
2. What You Wish For
An Alternate Reality News Service Forum [ARNS]
3. 2026?
Meet the New Headline, Same as the Old Headline
4. What You Wish For:
The House (Almost) Always Wins [ARNS]
5. TwitterX is BitterX That It Couldn't Find a BabysitterX
6. What You Wish For:
It's The From Hunger Games meets the von Hitlerskitler Youth
What Could Possibly Go Wrong? [ARNS]
January 25, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Dr. Chris Coroneus
2. TwitterX Isn't Magic - It's MAGAX!
3. Capitol Punishment [ARNS]
4. Quotes Wondered What Happened To Your Voice, But Were Too Polite To Ask
5. Threelonemuskateers, Party of Three. Threelonemuskateers? [ARNS]
6. TwitterX Gonna Twit. ErX...
7. Ask Amritsar About The Buns of Deception [ARNS]
January 18, 2026
1. Cover Stories Only Uses the Most Aged, Aromatic Puns Available
2. The PresidentEmperor's No Clothes [ARNS]
3. It's the End of the World as We Know It
And TwitterX Feels Fine
4. The Cost of Freedom [ARNS]
5. Have You Ever Heard of The Cesspool Called TwitterX? You're Soaking In It!
6. The Gang That Couldn't Regime Change Straight [ARNS]
January 11, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Solomon Wood Gundy
2. The Call of the Oiled [ARNS]
3. Welcome to TwitterX 2026
Enjoy the Inconvenience!
4. Shooting Trial Balloons in a Barrel [ARNS]
5. You Think Elon Musk is a Genius? D'OhGE!
6. Grime Pays! [ARNS]
7. Musk's Philosophy: Move Fast, Break Shit, Leave the World an Ugly Corpse
January 4, 2026
1. The Daily Me - Ralph Spoilsport
2. Is There a Doctrine in the House? [ARNS]
3. Headlines Hated Having That Back Tooth Filled, But They Sure Did Love the Anaesthetic!
4. Thank You For Your Inattention to This Matter [ARNS]
5. [F]Elon Doesn't Let Reality Get In the Way of a Good Rage Tweet
That's Probably the Only Thing He Has In Common With His Admirers
6. Profiles in Fascism: The Beefy Canary in the Data Mine [ARNS]
December 28, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Bebop Loco
2. High Seas, Low Motives [ARNS]
3. How Many Ways Can You Say, "TwitterX Sucks" Before The Sourness Permanently Puckers Your Lips?
4. This History Ain't Big Enough For the Both Of Us, and It Ain't Me Who’s Gonna Leave! [ARNS]
5. How Many Ways Can You Make Fun of TwitterX In a Headline?
Oh, I'm Just Getting Started...
6. Profiles in Fascism: The Devil's Handmaid Wears Prada [ARNS]
December 21, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Nick Danger, Third Eye
2. Get Out of Jail Free? Ha Ha Ha - You're Such a Card! [ARNS]
3. Headlines Were Asking For It...So I Got Them a Lemonade
4. Integrity Goes for a Song [ARNS]
5. TwitterX: Oh, What a Feeling!
Oh? What? A Feeling?
6. FIFA Foe Fist
I Smell the Blood of a Malignant Narcissist! [ARNS]
December 14, 2025
1. The Daily Me - George LeRoy Tirebiter
2. ICES: Pick a Side [ARNS]
3. TwitterX Was the Runt of the LitterX
4. Dueling Dystopias [ARNS]
5. TwitterX is Getting On the World's Last Nerve...!
6. The Call (For Resignation) is Coming From Inside the House (of Unrepresentatives)! [ARNS]
December 7, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Jarrod "I Believe in Epstein" Shawinigan
2. The Constitution is Dead! Long Live the Constitution! [ARNS]
3. TwitterX Doesn't Like The Tone of Your Voice, Either, Bub!
4. The Masque of the Orange Death [ARNS]
5. Is Headlines Having Fun Yet?
6. Blame Game Remains Same [ARNS]
November 30, 2025
1. The Day Sarah "Lost" Hurwitz
2. You Can't See the Fascism For the Fat of the Land [ARNS]
3. If It Wasn't For TwitterX, Where Would White Rage Go?
Other Than Fox News, I Mean
Okay, And The White House...
4. The Ronald McDruhitmumpf Emergency Response Team Reads the Email on the Wall [ARNS]
5. And the TwitterXs Just Keep On Coming!
6. Military Operation Blows Up
Blows Up Real Good [ARNS]
November 23, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Legitimate Jones
2. Profiles in Fascism: The Rabbit Hole or the Memory Hole - Why Choose? [ARNS]
3. As Spiro Agnew Truly Said, We Must Avoid Listening To the TwitterXing Trolls of Trumpitude
4. President Not Bidenhisbeeswax His Time [ARNS]
5. Elon From Flin Flon Doesn't Go Along to Get Along
November 16, 2025
1. The Daily Me - AstraZeneca, Destroyer of Worlds
2. An Ode to the New Age of Mediocre White Men [ARNS]
3. Headlines Felt It Was to Laugh, But Nothing Came
4. Voting? It's a Fine Line [ARNS]
5. Remember When the Public Square Meant the Guy Who Wore Unfashionable Clothes Out of the House?
6. The Art of Dealing With the Arts [ARNS]
November 9, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Saliva P. Grande
2. I Know You Are, But What Am TwitterX?
3. A Legacy Foreclosed On [ARNS]
4. Headlines Were Thinking the Same Thing, But Hesitated to Commit Themselves
5. When the Body Politic Becomes a Zombie, Protect Your Braaaaaaains! [ARNS]
November 2, 2025
1. The Law of Intended Unintended Consequences [ARNS]
2. TwitterX Circled the Drain, But Couldn't Claw Its Way Out
3. Feces is In the Eye of the Beholder [ARNS]
4. ...But That Turned Out to be Okay, Because TwitterX Found It Liked Living In the Sewer...
5. What Happens When the Left Hand Doesn't Know Whom the Right Hand is Strangling [ARNS]
October 26, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Lobelia Rugtwit Hildebiddle
2. Close Encounters of the Meekly Paranoid Kind [ARNS]
3. Oh, TwitterX! Is There Nothing You Can't Ruin?
4. Not Just for Jeans Any More! [ARNS]
5. After Years Of Chasing Its Own Tail, TwitterX Finally Caught It
Ouch!
October 19, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Semolina Pilchard
2. TwitterX: Where Truth Goes To Die (Often of Embarrassment)
3. Legally Electronbondi [ARNS]
4. TwitterX: Endless Hours of Fun For the Low, Low Price of Your Sanity
5. GAME OVER! If You Want to Play Vesampuccerian Idiotocracy Again, Please Insert A Quarter Million Trillion Dollars Into the Slot [ARNS]
October 12, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Halloween Humbuggage
2. State of Comedy No Laughing Matter [ARNS]
3. And The TwitterX Goes On, And The TwitterX Goes On...
4. Groundhog Day of the Dead [ARNS]
5. What the Heck Do You Know? About Warren Peace in the Middle East
October 5, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Theanderblast Mischgedeigle Sump
2. Grudge Dread [ARNS]
3. TwitterX Hates Being the Runt of the LitterX, Which Makes It No QuitterX
4. The Art of the WTF‽ [ARNS]
5. Tell Headlines No Truths, They'll Tell You They Know No Shame
September 28, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Buggage had a daughter named Easter.
2. Sorry to Rune the Fun For You, But... [ARNS]
3. Ask Amritsar How to Stay In Your Ghislaine [ARNS]
4. Twitter/X: Where Toxic Selfishness Goes To Get A Sitzbath
5. Thoughtlessness and Not a Prayer [ARNS]
6. Things We Do in the Shadow Docket [ARNS]
7. Charlie Hoarse
September 21, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Darth Grabinsky
2. The Secretary of High Fives Can Be Evasive [ARNS]
3. TwitterX Was BitterX That It Didn't Have Enough HitlerX
4. Weekend at Ronnie's [ARNS]
5. TwitterX Voted For This
Don't Thank Them - It Will Only Deepen Their Contempt For You
6. Charlie, We Too Well Knew Ye [ARNS]
September 14, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Babar O'Reilly
2. By the Sun's Early Gaslight
3. Me, Gen X? No! Eugenics! [ARNS]
4. Tweets Are Like Cops: There's Never One Around When You Need One
Fortunately, You Never Truly Need One
5. Time is NOT on His Side:
The Ronald McDruhitmumpf Death Watch [ARNS]
September 7, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Donald Tiddlywinkly
2. Antacid Won't Help When History Repeats on You [ARNS]
3. Sorry, TwitterX Nodded Off For a Moment, There - What Did It Miss?
4. The Big Whup...With Maps [ARNS]
5. May I Not Quote You?
6. Ronald Had a Diktat Farm, EO, EO, Oh! [ARNS]
August 31, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Eucalyptus Yoho
2. Politics as Usual...With Maps [ARNS]
3. Quotes Smote Stoats in a Remote Quarter
4. Thank You For Your Inattention [ARNS]
5. If TwitterX Didn't Exist, Nobody Would Have Had To Invent It
August 24, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Anne of Clark Gables
2. When the Public Square Becomes the Swamp, Better Stock Up On Alligator Masks
3. Guardians of Perdition? Gladiators of Pandering? Groomers of Philistines? [ARNS]
4. Headlines Weren't Thrilled By the Format, But Who Are They to Question It?
5. For Ashy Fields of Grain [ARNS]
August 17, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Halibut Justa Fish
2. When Inflation Sneaks Up On You From Around a Corner [ARNS]
3. Headlines Tried to Warn Them, But Did They Listen?
4. The McDruhitmumpf Emergency Response Team Only Has Eyes For Him [ARNS]
5. I Left My Heart in San Fran TwitterX - Oh!
6. He Never Promised You a Rose Garden [ARNS]
August 10, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Srinivasa "Ted" Ramanujant
2. Kiss Me Quota [ARNS]
3. Twitter/X - Why?
4. The Edimication of George Stickyforquinim [ARNS]
5. Chaos Agents of the World Unite! You Have Nothing to Lose But Your Garage Inflexible Microbial!
6. The Age of Aquarius Came Late This Year! [ARNS]
August 3, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Martin Loofah Ling
2. He May Be a Great Journalist, But When Tim O'Mygordbrien Gets the Story Wrong, Oh, Nelly! [ARNS]
3. Apparently, Elon Doesn't Know That Two's Company and Three Parties a Crowded Field
4. May I Quota You? [ARNS]
5. Headlines, Oh Headlines
Wherefore Thine Art, Headlines?
6. It's Not a Cult...And Yet... [ARNS]
July 27, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Simcha Machiavelli
2. Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much?
That Was No Lady - That Was My President! [ARNS]
3. Guess I Chose the Wrong Day to Quit Marijuana Crack TwitterX
4. Quota the System You Got Here! [ARNS]
5. Quotes? I've Had a Few, But Then Again, Too Few To Mention
6. The Art of the Deal: Criminal Exonerations Edition [ARNS]
July 20, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Wanda Lastman
2. Who Would Have Thought Men Endowed With Such Riches
Would Turn Out To Be Two of the World's Whiniest Bitches?
3. Order Whup! [ARNS]
4. If You're Not Part of the Solution, You're Part of the TwitterX
5. Zip Tie Goes to the Runner [ARNS]
July 13, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Pebbles and Glam Glam
2. The Bigger the Bully, The Harder Others Fall [ARNS]
3. Tweet If You Believe in Democracy
Don't Tweet All At Once...
Hello? Hello? Is This Social Network On?
4. The Evil ( [ARNS]
5. H?e?a?d?l?i?n?e?s D?a?r?e?d T?o A?s?k
6. Courting Disaster [ARNS]
July 6, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Close as Two Hearts and Worlds Away
2. Headlines' Love Wasn't Deep, But It Was Broad
3. MomsiclesTM? Don't Try to Keep One In Your Freezer! [ARNS]
4. It's Musk Versus Trump - The Grudge Match of the News Cycle!
5. The Man Behind the Mask Isn't Who You Think She Is [ARNS]
June 29, 2025
1. The Four Horsemen Butcher to Differ [ARNS]
2. As Brian Mulroney Truly Said: There's No Whore Like a War Whore
3. Justice? No Way, Jo...seph! I Was Going to Say Joseph! [ARNS]
4. Headlines Sang "Don't Fear the Bookization"
Nobody Understood the Reference
5. Elon Wanted a Pony For Christmas, But All He Got Was This Lousy Social Network
June 22, 2025
1. Elon Musk Wanted a Title, But the Royal Family Wasn't THAT Hard Up For Cash
2. The Steppinfetchittford Cabinet [ARNS]
3. Elon Musk Said Bad Things About Trump's Budget
Could This Be - OH, LOOK, IMMIGRATION BAN PLACED ON A DOZEN COUNTRIES!
4. Knowhow? No How! [ARNS]
June 15, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Trip "ped and Fell Into" Lovelace
2. Musk May Be Gone, But the Stench Lingers On...
3. You Think You'll Know Corruption When You See It?
What the Heck Do You Know About Corruption, Anyway? [ARNS]
4. Elon Musk Was Asked If He Profited From His Time Working In Government,
But He DOGEd The Question
5. The Machine Feels Your pAIn [ARNS]
June 8, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Hiss Hiss, Fang Fang
2. Snip, Snip, Cut Follies [ARNS]
3. TwitterX Just Wants to be Adored
Too Bad The Stone Roses Got There First
4. The President McDruhitmumpf Breaking News (With an Accent on the "Breaking") Algorithm [ARNS]
June 1, 2025
1. The Daily Me - Heil Elon!
2. TwitterX Wanted to Discuss Bookization, But it Kept Getting Sidetracked By White South Africans’ Bogus Genocide Claims
3. The McDruhitmumpf Who Stole ChristmaKwaanzUkah [ARNS]
4. TwitterX: A Cold Shower for People Who Could Never Understand Why So Many Ordinary Germans Didn't Oppose Hitler
5. VIPAC of Scoundrels [ARNS]
May 25, 2025
1. The Daily Me - "Nutty" Buddy Ebson
2. TwitterX Fever - Catch It! (And Immediately Throw It Back!)
3. The Fenwickian Candidate [ARNS]
4. Headlines Don't Have to Go Home, But They Can't Stay Here
5. A Plot Twist No Screenwriter Could Come Up With [ARNS]
The Following articles are orphans. If you are a book looking for content, please consider adopting one or more of them. They are house trained (for the most part) and they hardly ever bite!
Alternate Reality News Service
1. Pack Extra Diapers - You Could Be Next! [ARNS]
2. Take This Writing Contest and Carpize It! [ARNS]
3. Everybody's a Critic! [ARNS]
4. The RaptchaTM of GotchaTM [ARNS]
5. Building Plastic Castles in the Sand [ARNS]
6. NED Talk [ARNS]
7. Little Timmy is Well
Thank You For Asking [ARNS]
8. Fakes: When You Can Sincere That, You've Got it Made! [ARNS]
9. Have You Herd? [ARNS]
10. The Cure/Disease Dichotomy [ARNS]
11. Hard Sell Should Lead to a Soft Cell [ARNS]
12. The Meeting of a Thousand Years Begins With a Single Motion [ARNS]
13. When Wonders Consider Ceasing [ARNS]
14. When History is a Mystery [ARNS]
15. VIPAC of Scoundrels [ARNS]
16. "What Did You Do in the Genocide, Daddy?" [ARNS]
17. Carrying Water in a Sieve [ARNS]
18. They Shot a Movie Once... [ARNS]
19. We Are the Dead - And We Want Our Government Benefits! [ARNS]
20. Ask Amritsar if the Butt Headgear Fits[ARNS]
21. Aerodynamic Pricing Takes Off [ARNS]
22. Never Forever Again [ARNS]
23. Lives Unlived: Garamond Vespucci [ARNS]
24. The Day it Rained Viagra [ARNS]
25. Ask Amritsar About Life in The Volleyball World [ARNS]
26. When Pants on Fire Stops Being a Metaphor [ARNS]
27. You're On Report, Buster! [ARNS]
28. Deploy the Bubbe Brigade! [ARNS]
29. Ask Amritsar About the Girl on Your BrAIn [ARNS]
General
1. Samuel L. Jackson Turned Down the Offer to Read "Go the Headlines to Sleep!"
2. It's Hip To Be the Public Square
3. What the Heck Do You Know? About Words, Words, Words!
4. Quoth the Raven, "Squawk, Squawk, Squawk!"
5. Elon Musk? The Farce is Strong In This One...
